


You’re My Future

by Magicath808



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Canon Compliant, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Future Fic, Gay Keith (Voltron), Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Healing, I use swear words, Langst, Lots of Crying, M/M, Moving On, Not A Fix-It-Fic, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post S8, Post Season 8, Post canon, Post-Canon, Previous Allurance, Season 8, Slow Burn, Spoilers, a slow burn like we deserve, continuation-fic, klangst, lance pov, lots of feeling, post-canon compliant, very indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-18 11:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16993998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicath808/pseuds/Magicath808
Summary: Will Lance learn to love again, and more importantly will he learn to love himself again?I promise a Klance endgame. I promise Lance won’t be a farmer forever. I will try to write a healthy romance, a healthy healing process, and a well-developed character arc.I feel like this is going to hurt me to write. I would rather write a fic where everyone is okay and happy and ya know (not dead), but right now it's time to write a healing fic for Lance. My boy. I will try to give you what you deserve.





	1. The First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. You know why we’re here. Because the goddamn fandom has to do everything themselves. Like, I’m even considering writing and Allurance fic, just because I feel so bad for Allurance fans. Vee el dee botched it up good. Anyway. I didn’t hate everything. Just a lot of stuff. So here we go. Time to fix as much as possible in this shitty post season 8 world.

Lance was in his temporary room back at the Garrison. It had been two months since their final battle and Lance just couldn’t bring himself to clear his stuff out and go back home. He didn’t want to see his family. He didn’t want the noise, the pitying looks. Not that the Garrison was much better. But at least here people were too busy to bother Lance. He could just sit in the dark and cry. 

He didn’t sleep. He didn’t eat. He just laid there staring at the stucco ceiling or at the photo of him and Allura. God, she hadn’t deserved to die. It wasn’t fair to her. She had lost so much in her life. But she had always stayed strong. Until the end.

Lance felt tears escape his eyes. He turned on his side, curling into himself. Wondering if they would ever stop.

Lance heard a loud knock.

“Go away, Keith. I’m not in the mood,” Lance called back. 

Lance heard the door click open. God. Why didn’t he lock that? A sliver or light darted into the room and over the bed. Lance shrunk into himself away from it. 

“I said I’m not in the mood,” Lance said trying to keep his voice strong.

“Lance?” Shiro said.

Lance flipped over to face him his brows pulling up in confusion. Shiro was busy. He was a captain. Or was it a commander now? Lance didn’t know. But Lance knew Shiro didn’t have time to see his sorry ass. 

“Hey,” Shiro said softly.

Lance sat up. He felt dizzy. He didn’t want to put on a brave face. He really didn’t. But he didn’t want Shiro to know how fucked up he felt. Not that it wasn’t obvious. Lance tried to hide himself in the shadows. “Hey,” he finally said in a croaky voice. 

“We’re going for a ride,” Shiro said. Lance wanted to protest, but Shiro just gave him the hard dad look, as if to say, ‘no you aren’t getting out of this.’

***

“I don’t feel like this,” Lance said.

The two of them were standing outside the Garrison compound in front of two hoverbikes, similar to the one Keith had used when this all began. 

Lance was haphazardly dressed in a pair of pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Now in the light, it was clear he didn’t look like himself. Lance had gotten a glimpse of himself in the window of a building before stuttering away, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground. He hated mirrors now. He was scruffy, unshaved. He hadn’t gotten back into his skin care routine. Hadn’t really showered in general. Lance knew his routine was a part of his mental health, but he just couldn’t find the will to even try. His eyes were dark, his skin rough, his hair hung limp. 

He was a mess.

Shiro just gave Lance another look and tossed him a helmet. With a sigh, Lance climbed on the bike. 

They rode out across the desert, the sun setting behind their backs. Shiro tried to goad Lance into racing him, but his attempts failed, the normal playful light drawn out of Lance’s eyes. 

They stopped on a dusty cliff overlooking the desert. “What am I doing here Shiro?”

“You know, Keith and I used to race across these hills. It feels so long ago now,” Shiro said ignoring Lance’s question. He leaned against the bike smiling softly.

“Shiro.”

“Look Lance. I think it’s time we had a little talk. We’re worried.”

“I’ve noticed,” Lance said bitterness edged in his voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Fuck no. I’m not okay,” Lance said turning sharply to look at his hero. “She’s. She’s gone. And nobody seems to care.”

A pained look crossed Shiro’s face, “Lance. We’re all mourning Allura. You aren’t the only one feeling this way.”

Lance looked at his shoes, he noticed they weren’t matching. “I know. I’m sorry. It just feels like everyone’s moving on so quickly.”

“I can tell you, it hasn’t been easy. For any of us. But we all have a part to play in rebuilding the galaxy.”

“I know,” Lance said. “Everyone’s really doing all this amazing stuff. And I just can’t.”

“I could put you on some missions if you want. It might be good for you to have something to do.”

Lance shook his head. That wasn’t what he wanted at all. 

“What do you want Lance. I know nothing’s going to make you feel better, but there’s got to be something that could help.”

Lance looked away. “Sometimes I wonder. How things would have worked out. If. If she had lived. I wonder how much I loved her, you know?” Lance sighed. “I don’t think things would have worked out in the end.”

Lance felt a solid warm hand on his shoulder. “Lance. This wasn’t you’re fault. You can’t feel guilty. You have to stop thinking like that. It’s not healthy. I know you loved Allura. You cherished her. Remember that.”

Lance took a swipe at his eyes with the end of his sleeve. 

“Lance. Do you remember how I was dating Professor Wright when we were still in the Garrison?”

Lance nodded. He watched as Shiro’s eyes softened. “When I came back. He was gone. Died in a mission protecting Earth from the Galra. I regret that I couldn’t make up with him every day.”

“How did you move on?”

“I didn’t. Not yet at least. It’s hard. We had already broken up when I went on the Kerberos mission. He said he wouldn’t be waiting for me when I got back,” Shiro ran his metal hand through his hair. “But still. I had some crazy hope that he would be there. Thinking of him got me through a lot out there. In many ways I still love him. Even now. But I know. He would want me to live on.”

Shiro paused and squeezed Lance’s shoulder. “I’m not saying you should move on right away. But eventually we have to pick up the pieces. We have to live. For them.”

Lance pinched the bridge of his nose trying to hold the tears in, “It’s so hard Shiro. It’s just so hard.”

“It’s going to be hard Lance. Every day will be hard. Eventually one day it will get easier. But she will never go away. And you'll take two steps back for every step forward, but you have to take those steps.”

Lance nodded, his whole body shaking. Shiro pulled Lance into a hug. “What do you need Lance?”

“I think,” Lance let out a shaky breath, “I think I need some time away from all this.”

“Go home,” Shiro said gently. “Your parents own a farm, right?”

Lance nodded against Shiro’s shoulder. 

“Take the time you need. Surround yourself with your family. Get out in the sun. Just work and stop thinking. Just for a little while.”

“Okay,” Lance said. He gave Shiro one last squeeze before pulling away. Shiro patted Lance on the back. Lance tried for a tight-lipped smile. Shiro smiled sadly back. The two of them turned to the desert, watching as the sun slipped behind the distant mountains.


	2. The Long Road Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year of healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not saying that Lance didn’t love Allura. Because he did. But I think we can all agree that the relationship we were shown in s8 was super weird and off-putting and filled with just a lot of tension and unhappiness. So, I want to be honest to that. Lance loves this girl, probably romanticizes her a little too much. Their relationship wasn’t perfect and he’s going to have a lot of self-doubt and guilt. I want to paint the romance not with less love, but with complexity and nuance. It just really sucks that Lance and Allura basically had a romance steeped in a bunch of unsavory tropes. 
> 
> Also fuck Voltron for ruining farmer Lance for me. I always enjoyed this trope. Especially with a cowboy Keith. But they fucking made it horrible. I have always given Lance aspirations. I make him smart. I make him an engineer, a teacher, a pilot, a paladin. And yes, sometimes a farm boy with big dreams. But Voltron killed it. (They ruined Altean Lance too wtf. Don’t worry I’m gonna take care of these marks >:) )
> 
> Also question. How do people feel about uploads? Normally I just post whenever I want. And since I tend to be pretty prolific that ends up being one to two times a week. Would it bother people if I posted every day or every other day? Or do people prefer a weekly or bi weekly set schedule?

The farm back in Cuba turned out to be the best thing for Lance. Veronica was still working at the Garrison, but the rest of his siblings and family lived at home or came around often. 

After the first month he finally could taste food again. Up to this point it had turned to ash in his mouth. It was just something he did because his family would worry over him. But that night he took a bite of his dinner. And stopped. He tasted the buttery goodness of whatever he was eating. He looked down at his plate. It was his mom’s garlic knots. He took another bite. He picked up his spoon. He scooped up a bite of beans and then a spoonful of rice, really tasting, really enjoying every bite. He stuffed his cheeks as silent tears came down his face. Nobody said anything. His mom reached out and held his hand as he finished his plate of food for the first time in months.

After two months he graduated from showers to his usual baths and skin routine. It wasn’t so painful to sit in the hot water and think. The steps of his routine calmed him, grounded him. He still had a hard time looking in the mirror. 

He let his mother cut his hair. Veronica, Rachel and him had sleepovers again where they gossiped about work and made face masks. On the third of such occasions he watched a movie. Actually watched it. Without his eyes glazing over. It was a stupid action movie he used to love. He almost smiled.

Lance liked the noise of his family. They didn’t force him to talk, they just prattled at him and he would sometimes listen, but mostly he zoned out. Lance was a lot quieter than they were used to. But they learned to respect that. After three months his niece came up to him and said something silly that made Lance smile. His first smile.

Lance liked the sun on his back as he worked in the fields. He liked the smell of grass and hay as he tended to the cows. He liked the feel of the wind on his face. He liked to feel the pull of his muscles, working himself to exhaustion so that he could fall into an easy, dreamless sleep. 

But sometimes he would remember her. And he would stop and stare at the world around him and break down crying. He felt guilty for forgetting. For enjoying himself. But in times like this his family would be there. His mom always seemed to know when he needed space or when he needed a hug or a warm cup of coco.

***

One year later Lance found himself on Altea getting ready for the very first paladin reunion. To celebrate and to remember. Lance wouldn’t tell anyone he had almost not come. That he had almost cried on the way there. He had arrived a few days early so he could take some time for himself. He hadn’t seen or really talked to his friends in a year. And being in Altea, seeing the place Allura had loved so much, it hurt. 

He heard a knock at his door. Coran came in a soft smile on the older man’s face. Coran had asked Lance to lead a small lecture for a group of kids. Lance had done this a few times over the recent months, but he still worried if he could do this without crying. But wanted to try. He didn’t want others to forget Allura. She deserved her story to be told.

The two men fell into a quiet conversation as they walked down the new castle halls. 

“Altea really is beautiful Coran.”

“It makes me so happy that I get to see it every day. I never thought I would,” Coran stopped. “It’s hard though, number three.”

Lance placed a hand on Coran’s shoulder. “You don’t have to. If you aren’t ready. I know it’s hard. Believe me.”

“She would have loved to see Altea again.”

Lance let out a soft chuckled. “I’m sure she’s looking down on us now, protecting her people, she was never one to leave things alone, especially when they needed protecting.”

Coran smiled, “All I can do is lead and hope I can meet her standards. She was so like her father in that.”

“You’re doing a great job Coran. She would be proud.”

Coran looked at Lance a fond look in his eyes, “She would be so proud of you. All you’ve done. So, don’t be too hard on yourself either.”

Lance felt his smile falter. What was he doing? All he did was sit at home and occasionally give small speeches on his journey as a Paladin. That wasn’t much. “Well we better get out there or we’re going to be late.”

Coran placed a solid hand on Lance’s back and they walked out together.

***  
The lecture had gone better than he thought it would. The paladin dinner had gone well too. It hurt how easy it was to fall back into conversation. He couldn’t help but notice as the other paladin’s tiptoed around him. Lance had tried to keep a brave face, to be playful. This was why he hadn’t wanted to see them. Because it was hard. They all looked at him like he would break.

Except Keith. 

Keith, always stubborn, refusing to accept Lance’s quietness, teasing him to no end. The others had looked sad when Lance wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t tease back. But Keith just ignored this, eventually drawing Lance back into his old self. But somehow it didn’t make Lance feel like he was being pressured to act that way. 

Still. The reunion felt good. And for a brief second, he could be happy. Or at least Lance imagined that one day he could be.

That night something strange had happened with the lions. As they flew in final salute to Allura Lance wondered if he could move on like that, while still honoring her memory.

The thought didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t think it was right to move on. 

The others went back to their rooms after that. Lance found himself sitting in a field of Juniberry flowers. He twirled a stem between his fingers. 

“I bet if you asked Pidge she could get Colleen to give you some seeds,” Keith said.

Lance turned as Keith sat down next to him leaning back on his elbows. “I didn’t even hear you come up.”

Keith turned to him, “What? One year without training and you lost all your instincts?”

“Guess so,” Lance smiled. He reached forward tugging at the end of Keith’s hair. “You’re growing out your hair again.” It was growing past his shoulders, just long enough to pull in a short ponytail if Keith wanted. Lance thought that would look good on him too.

“I thought you didn’t like my hair?”

“It kind of grew on me,” Lance let his hand fall, “This looks good too.”

Keith leaned towards Lance a hard raised, hesitating. He didn’t touch Lance’s face, his fingers inches from Lance’s skin. “I like these. They look good on you.” Keith said with a smirk.

Lance pulled back. “I don’t.” He said honestly. 

Keith pulled up sensing the change in mood. “Lance…” he said softly.

“They remind me of her. I can’t even look at myself.”

“Don’t think of them like that,” Keith said his voice going hard. “She wouldn’t want that.”

“You know. In the end. She went to Lotor.”

“Lance…” Keith said again.

Lance turned away tucking his face into his knees. “They were right for each other. I think they’re happy. I hope that they are happy together. Allura and I. We were never happy.”

Lance didn’t know where this was coming from, but he couldn’t stop. He had had all these thoughts for a while. Swimming in his head without end. He had tried to tell his mom, hell he had tried to talk to the cows. But somehow the words never came. And here he was pouring himself out to Keith out of all people. Maybe it was because Keith treated him like he was the same person without expecting him to act the same. How did that make any sense, Lance thought. 

Lance let out a hard, shaky breath. “Fuck. Allura didn’t deserve to sacrifice herself. She didn’t deserve to settle for me. She deserved to be with her first choice. Lotor really made her a better person. I didn’t even make her happy.”

Keith stayed still next to Lance letting him finish.

“At the end. She was distant. And just so angry. And I just couldn’t keep her happy,” Lance said finally falling into sobs. 

“Lance. You aren’t being fair to yourself,” Keith said with a gruff tone. “We were in the middle of a war. And it’s not like Lotor was perfect. He fell into his own darkness and was corrupted by quintessence. I saw you with Allura. She was good for you. And you were always there for her.”

Lance looked up then meeting Keith’s steely eyes. 

“You can’t keep dwelling on this. Not like this. It’s only going to hurt you.”

Lance looked at the boy in front of him. When had he become so self-assured? Finally, Lance nodded.

Keith turned back to look at the distant hills, letting Lance cry himself out. 

After a time, Lance finally spoke. “Hey,” Lance said. “I thought you were a humanitarian. I’m in need of some humanitarian efforts over here.”

Keith looked at Lance a surprised, confused look on his face. Lance held out his arms, and Keith’s face softened. 

Lance fell into Keith’s grasp hard, Keith’s strong arms surrounding him. He squeezed tight. Lance couldn’t remember the last time a simple hug felt this good. Maybe he should have given Keith a hug a long time ago. If it felt this good. 

“Thank you,” Lance whispered into Keith’s chest. Lance felt Keith nod his head in reply, his dark hair tickling Lance’s cheek.

The two boys pulled away from each other. They walked back to their rooms in silence. Lance nodded goodnight and Keith smiled.

A light in Shiro’s room caught his eye. Lance wanted to thank him for his kind words. They had really helped Lance these past ten months. He went to knock but heard voices and stopped. 

“Shiro. He’s being all weird.” That was Pidge.

So it was true. They could tell he was acting.

“I don’t know what to say to him.” Hunk.

“He won’t even call me back. Even though I got that new game we’ve been wanting to play for forever.”

Shiro sighed. “We just need to give him some more time. He’ll come around.”

***  
The next morning Lance got up to wish everyone goodbye. They all had important work to do. Lance was going to stay on Altea with Coran for another week. The two men need this time alone to heal together. 

Lance found himself in front of Keith’s door. He took another step forward and knocked.

“Come in,” Keith’s voice said behind the door.

Lance walked in, Keith was now in his blade attire, the dark suit complementing his figure and face. 

Lance sucked in a breath, “Just wanted to say goodbye.”

Keith crossed his arms, “The pods aren’t leaving for another hour Lance. Did you want something else?”

“I just wanted to say goodbye. You know alone.”

Keith smirked. “What was that? What did you want to say?”

Lance stuttered. “I just. I thought. You know. We bonded last night. And so, I just wanted to thank you again.”

“What we bonded?” Keith said playfully. “Don’t remember didn’t happen.”

That got a rise out of Lance. He clenched his fists. “What! Keith you. You…”

Keith laughed. When had that become so easy for him Lance wanted to know. “Relax Lance. I’m just teasing. You shouldn’t dish it out if you can’t take it back.”

Lance pouted and crossed his arms. “Fine whatever. Have fun in space.” 

“You could come with me,” Keith said.

Lance turned back to face him. Keith’s face looked guarded. Like he regretted what he had just said. 

“Uh. Thanks. But. I just need some time. The farm is good for me right now.”

“Okay.” Keith said. 

Lance took a step forward “But you can visit. My mom would love that.”

Keith smiled again, “I promise I’ll visit soon then.”

Lance smiled a soft small smile. “Okay then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's chat  
> Here's my Tumblr lol rip Tumblr  
> https://magicath808.tumblr.com


	3. One Step Forward Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let Lance heal and be happy Voltron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does each chapter get longer? Lol I’m sorry. You guys also told me to upload whenever I want. You are going to regret those words. I moved it up to teen because I can’t stop saying fuck. Another note, you guys say the nicest things. I’m going to cry. Seriously. 
> 
> Also, I have this tagged as canon compliant, and for the most part I think it is. But I do take liberties and make adjustments (partly because I can’t watch the ending scenes again without being really sad, so I’m working off of my memory from 8:30 in the morning after watching 5 hours of shit with no sleep).
> 
> I don’t speak Spanish, and I’ve always felt uncomfortable using Spanish in fic for that reason. But fuck it. I love Cuban Lance, and we didn’t get anything! So, I went online to find a particular thing. If I’m wrong, please tell me.

Another year came and went. Another year of slowly learning to heal. Lance learned to love some of his favorite things again, his routine, his favorite foods, his family, the view of the farm from his bedroom window. But there were things that just didn’t feel the same: playing video games and watching movies felt trivial, talking non-stop for hours felt useless, like he was saying things that nobody cared about. 

Lance would go down to the beach and stare at the ocean. He wanted to swim, he wanted to surf, but he was too scared he wouldn’t enjoy it, that it would feel meaningless or wrong. He would touch the strings of his guitar and then pull his hand aware quickly. He didn’t deserve to enjoy music. He would look at his dad’s beat up hoverbike in the garage, and his heart would burst with longing, only for him to shuffle back upstairs. 

He didn’t break down as much. He didn’t cry as much. He didn’t zone out as much. But when he did, he relapsed hard. One day his mom found him passed out on the bathroom floor, an empty bottle of tequila by his side. That was when she realized that Lance getting space, Lance being alone, wasn’t a good idea. Lance’s guilt would never allow him to touch a bottle again, but his family stuck close after that. And for the first time Lance began to not feel so alone. 

Another reunion. Lance pretending he was alright when he was barley holding himself together. Pidge, Hunk and Shiro kept their distance, and Lance never pushed on his end for interaction. Keith had reached out a few times that year to Lance, apologizing that he couldn’t visit, that things were still just too hectic on Daibazaal. Lance understood; his friends had more important things to do. And he didn’t want to get in the way.

Lance’s birthday fell three months after their reunion. He was turning twenty. Lance told his mom he didn’t want to celebrate, that he wanted to quietly just let this one pass by. 

But the McClain household was a loud place. His mom ignored the request. 

Muffled whispers and the patter or feet made Lance stir. His eyes fluttered open. The room was still dark, the sun not having risen. Suddenly the lights turned on, causing him to duck under the sheets. Something, or someone jumped onto Lance’s bed.

“Felicidades Lance en tu día,” came loud booming voices. Lance groaned and turned to his side. His whole family was squeezed into his tiny room. Lance’s niece and nephew sat at the end of his bed. “Que lo pases con sana alegría, muchos años de paz y armonía Felicidad, Felicidad, Felicidad.” Lance rubbed his eyes and sat up. His mom was holding a plate of his favorite chocolate-chip muffins, candles stuck in the center. 

Lance’s face cracked into a smile. He opened his arms and his niece and nephew jumped into his embrace. He held them tight. “Guys you didn’t have to do this.”

Lance’s mom came over with the plate, placing it on his lap, kissing his forehead. “Of course, we did,” She said. His father came over and ruffled his hair. He lit the candles and together with his niece and nephew, they blew them out. 

“Today is all about you,” Veronica said. “What do you want to do.”

Lance thought for a moment. All about him. The usual guilt stirred inside him, but he pushed it down. “Let’s go to the beach,” Lance said. 

***

Lance spent the day down by the water with his family. It was the first time that his family saw the scars, small lacerations across his chest, a large expanse of his back discolored from the time he had pushed Allura out of the way of that electric shock. His mother rubbed his back, as if to make sure he was fully healed. 

The sun felt good; sitting in the sand, Lance realized he could finally sit and relax without his thoughts spiraling. He still missed Allura. He knew he always would. But the pain wasn’t as acute. 

He built a sandcastle with his niece and nephew. He ate his favorite things, watermelon and popsicles, BBQ, and garlic knots. Rachel and Veronica pulled Lance into the waves, the cold water making him laugh. Marco brought him his surfboard and together they raced each other through the waves. And Lance felt free.

Most of his family went back early to prepare dinner. Lance stayed in the water, savoring the feeling, until he got cold. As the sun began to set, he walked back to the house. 

He came around the back-end of the house so that he wouldn’t track too much sand into the house. Before he could open the door, a loud pop rang out. Something heavy fell across Lance’s back, nails digging into his hoodie. He landed on his stomach, sprawled on the back porch. 

Wind knocked out of him, it took him a few seconds to finally roll onto his back. 

“Kosmo?” The space wolf looked at Lance quizzically before wagging his tail and happily licking Lance’s face. 

Lance laughed and pushed him off. Then he realized. If Kosmo was here, that only meant…

Lance jumped up and snapped open the door. He ran down the hall into the living room. His mom was in the kitchen leaning over the counter talking to Keith, who was just casually sitting at one of the breakfast stools like it wasn’t a big deal. 

“Keith!” Lance said. 

Keith turned, a smirk on his face, and then his eyes landed on Lance. And the smile dropped. His eyes grew wide. “Lance. I uh. I mean,” Lance swore Keith did the once look over. “Surprise?”

“You’re here? For my birthday?”

“Yeah.” Keith said. 

The two boys stared at each other, neither moving for a solid thirty seconds. The conversation around them stopped, creating an awkward silence.

“Oh. I’m just going,” Lance stuttered. “I’m just going to change.”

“I’ll be here,” Keith said. 

***

Lance was quite frankly freaking out and he wasn’t quite sure why. Keith was here. Keith was here. Keith was here. For him. Lance except a bitter twang, excepted to be reminded of things he didn’t want to think about, but instead he only felt warm. Lance quickly changed and rejoined his family. 

Keith sat next to him at dinner. They shared soft smiles, but every time Lance tried to talk to Keith a family member would interrupt them, asking Keith different questions about his life and work. But in a lot of ways, nothing needed to be said. 

After dinner and cake, his family showered him with gifts, bath bombs, candy, a keychain of a little lion, simple things that made Lance smile.

Finally, the party died down, and Lance showed Keith to the guest bedroom. Kosmo hopped on the bed and settled in for the night. Lance handed Keith a set of towels and made to leave the room. 

“Lance?”

“Yeah,” Lance said turning back.

Keith held out his hand. A gift. It was clumsily wrapped, but somehow that made Lance smile more. 

“For me?”

Keith nodded. Lance took the gift and torn open the packaging, a small brown packet landed in his hand.

“Uh. What is it?”

“They’re Juniberry seeds. I thought you would like them.”

“Thank you, Keith. This means a lot.”

“I didn’t over step, did I? I was worried it would make you sad.”

Lance looked into Keith’s eyes and shook his head. “No, they’re perfect.”

“Well…” Keith trailed off.

“Do you want to go on a walk with me? Catch up,” Lance squeaked out.

Keith smiled, “That would be nice.”

Lance put down the seeds and together they crept out into the darkness, the moon illuminating the path through Lance’s garden.

“You did all this?” Keith said poking at a tomato.

“Yeah. Almost everything was destroyed by the war. Obviously, we have the regular crops and the cows, but I wanted to do something smaller, for us. You know subsistence living and all that.”

“It’s cool,” Keith said.

“I’ll probably put the juniberries over here,” Lance said pointing to a small empty plant bed.

He turned back to Keith. Keith was looking at him with a strange fond look, “What?” Lance said.

“What?”

“You’re staring at me Keith.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.”

“You’re just. You look good. Tan.”

“Yes Keith, that’s what happens when a Cuban is out in the sun all day.”

“You, you look good.” 

“What did you think I would look like, shit?”

“If I said yes would you hit me?”

Lance smiled at that. “Probably,” he said.

They continued down the path. Keith bumped his shoulder to Lance’s. “We haven’t talked like this in forever.”

Lance chuckled cynically, “We haven’t really talked at all.”

Keith crossed his arms and stopped. “Why did you pull away Lance. Pidge and Hunk said you won’t even answer their texts.”

Lance shrugged. “I just forget.”

“Bullshit,” Then his face softened. “We just want to be there for you. We just want to help.”

“They’re just expecting me to act happy. To act the same. And I just can’t.”

“Then tell them that. They’re you’re team. They’ll understand Lance.”

Lance wrapped his arms around his middle hunching into himself. 

Keith took a step forward in front of Lance, “You don’t have to pretend for me. You don’t have to change for me. You never did.”

Lance looked up, his eyes going wide. 

Keith scratched the back of his neck. His hair was now long enough for a decent ponytail, leaving his neck bare, “You know I was thinking that maybe, if it’s alright, I could stay for a while.”

“Don’t the blades need you?”

“I need a break. I think they’ll understand.”

Lance narrowed his eyes. “Did my mom put you up to this?”

“What? No.”

“Are you doing this because you think I need help.”

“Lance. You do need help. I just want to be here for you,” Keith clenched his fists, “You don’t have to do this all by yourself. I know your family is helping you heal, but they don’t understand what we went through. And if you won’t come to us, well, I’m just going to have to come to you.”

Lance bit his lip. “Really? You’ll stay?’

“Of course. We’re a team. We’ll always be here for you Lance.”

Lance reached forward and pulled Keith into a hug. Keith gently patted his back. It wasn’t long, it wasn’t lingering, but still it made Lance happy. 

***

Lance planted the juniberry seeds the next day. It was lucky he lived near the equator or he would have had to wait until the following spring.

For the next two months Keith found a place in Lance’s life. Quiet talks on the beach, Keith helping out on the farm with surprising skill. Keith fixed up the old hoverbike and they took turns riding it around one of the open fields. Keith just seemed to fit into his family. Lance wondered when had all his awkwardness had been stripped away. 

Lance found himself slipping into what he was like before the war. Not the same, his scars would never leave him entirely, but the two of them bickered and competed and Lance became loud again. He talked and argued and laughed. 

One day Lance was out behind the house at the makeshift shooting range from when he and Veronica were kids. Lance didn’t want to admit that he missed a gun, that he missed his bayard, but there was something wholly wonderful about cocking a gun, knowing he had skill, knowing he would hit the target. 

He picked up his old rifle out of the shed and set up some cans. He aimed and fired. The first can fell. Lance heard footsteps behind him but didn’t turn. He figured it was his mom or Veronica and decided to show off that yes, he was still a sharpshooter.

He aimed at each can, looked down the barrel and shot. Before he knew it, every can had been shot down. He hadn’t missed once.

“Great job, sharpshooter,” A gruff voice said. 

Lance lowered the gun and turned, “Keith.”

“Woah. Watch where you aim that please,” Keith said with a chuckled.

Lance put down the rifle. 

“Reliving old times?”

“I guess. I haven’t done that in forever. I’m glad I still got it.” Lance shrugged.

“So, you have a lecture this week.”

“Yeah just a quick one.”

“How’s that going.”

“It’s good. People really seem to like it. And it’s important. I want people to know. About Allura. What she did.”

“They know Lance.”

“I know. But I just want people to really know.” Lance chuckled looking down, “It’s kind of my mission now. Spreading her word. Letting the universe know what she did.”

“Lance…” Keith said softly. Lance looked up a painful expression crossing Keith’s face. “That’s not. That’s not healthy.”

Lance took a step back. “I think you’re misinterpreting this. I’m doing something good. I’m teaching people.”

“Lance. You’re living your life for her memory. You can’t. That’s not healthy. Allura wouldn’t want you to do that.”

“But—”

“—You can teach people about Allura without doing this. There has to be another way.”

“Look Keith. I don’t expect you to understand what I’m doing. So just let me handle things my way.”

Something flickered in Keith’s eyes. But he shrugged. He took a deep breath. “When my dad passed. I thought. I thought I couldn’t go on. That I was alone. That I somehow had to prove his worth. I was so lost for such a long time. But with the team. I learned who I am, and I learned to live for myself, but not in a selfish way.” Keith crossed his arms, “Do you get what I’m saying here.”

Lance sighed. “Yeah. But I guess we will just have to disagree.”

Keith scrunched his eyebrows. 

Lance took a step up to Keith. He knew how hard it was for him to talk about his father. He wanted to reach out and hug him, but he didn’t. “I’m sorry. You’re literally one of the only people that makes me feel better. That makes me feel like myself and I’m being rude. I don’t want to push people away. But right now. This is what I want.”

“Don’t apologize. I get it. I used to be the king of pushing people away.”

“Not going to argue with that.” A laugh, “Man, I kind of miss emo Keith.”

“I wasn’t emo Lance.”

“Sure, you weren’t,” Lance said raising an eyebrow.

They laughed.

***  
After Lance got back from his lecture, Shiro and his fiancé Curtis decided to visit Lance and Keith for the weekend. The new term had just started back at the Garrison, so they weren’t too busy yet.

Ever since Keith and Lance’s conversation things had been strained between them to say the least. They weren’t outright fighting, just sending each other passive aggressive little snips, which was even further exacerbated because Keith had to bunk with Lance while Shiro and Curtis commandeered the guest room.

Lance didn’t know what the final straw was for the two, maybe it was Lance talking about the next lecture he was preparing, maybe it was Allura and Lance’s photo staring at Keith from the desk, maybe it was when Keith found Lance starring at himself in the mirror gently stroking his Altean marks, but that Sunday, a few hours before Shiro and Curtis were set to leave, the two finally snapped. 

“Lance. You’re wasting your life here. You’re still pinning over Allura. Allura wouldn’t want this Lance.”

“Look Keith. I don’t expect you to understand, but I just want peace now. I always wanted to go back home. This is what I want.”

“No, it’s not Lance. You’re letting yourself wallow. You can do more Lance. You can be more.”

“I thought you liked me the way I was,” Lance said, his voice cracking. 

“I didn’t say I want you to change,” Keith stomped his feet a little growing impatient, “Lance we all love and miss Allura. She was an amazing friend and leader, but at the end of the day she didn’t even love you. Not like that.”

“I’m not listening to this,” Lance said making for the door. 

Keith blocked his path, “I’m sorry but that’s the truth. You didn’t even act like yourself around her. You weren’t her first choice Lance. You said as much yourself. You were a rebound. You can still love her, but you can’t live your whole life for her.”

“You might be right,” Lance said an edge in his voice. “But you are totally out of line Keith.” Lance pushed Keith away and opened his door, “I thought you were supposed to be a good leader now,” he mumbled as he made his way down the hall.

Keith didn’t follow him.

***  
“What was that,” Shiro said coming into Lance’s room. He found Keith kicking at a pillow on the floor. “Aren’t you a little old to be doing this.”

“Aren’t you a little old to be giving me lectures,” Keith growled.

Shiro crossed his arms, “Okay talk.”

“I just can’t get it through his thick skull that he could do more.” Keith recited the rest of the conversation to Shiro.

“Wow. Keith. That was not the most sensitive way to put that.”

Keith dragged a hand through his mop of hair, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Lance.”

“I know.”

“Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you have to say it like that Keith. I know their relationship was under a lot of stress, but they did love each other.”

“I know. Shiro.”

“Look,” Shiro gave Keith a hard look. “I think you need to take a step back. You can’t force Lance to heal.”

“You’re babying him. You’re giving him too much space Shiro. You all are. His mom told me this is the happiest he’s been.”

“That doesn’t mean he isn’t having hard days Keith. Lance needs you to be more delicate about things.”

“What he needs is a slap in the face.”

Shiro gave a pat on the shoulder. “He has to decide what he wants. You can’t force it.”

Keith let out a groan knowing that Shiro was right.

***  
A week after Shiro left, and Keith was still acting weird. They had given each other short apologies but it hadn’t seemed to stich the wounds.

One night as they sprawled on the couch watching a re-run of some old cartoon while the rest of the family was already in bed, Keith pulled out his phone. Which was a very strange sight. Keith wasn’t really a tech person.

Lance gave Keith a look.

“My mom,” Keith said in response.

“The blades need you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. The blades are doing great work, but they aren’t always the most, well, let’s just say they aren’t the warmest group of people.”

“You should go.”

Keith’s brows furrowed. “Okay.”

Lance nodded and looked back towards the tv that he wasn’t really watching.

“Hey Lance.”

“Yep?”

“I want to apologize.”

“Dude you already did. We’re cool.”

“But I want to apologize again. I just,” Keith voice cracked a little. Why was his voice always so soft? “You don’t have to change. I just want so much for you. The universe needs you.”

“Okay.” Lie. Nobody needed Lance.

“And. I’m sorry for what I said. About Allura. But moving on, it doesn’t mean forgetting her.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I know.” Lie.

“You don’t realize how special you are.”

“I’m really okay buddy. I’m doing what I want.” Lie.

Keith nodded, and they went back to watching the tv, a noticeable distance between the two.

***  
The day Keith left for the blades, Lance’s Juniberry flowers began to sprout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry. Don’t hate me. Lance is feeling really lost, and while his friends can help him, he ultimately needs to figure things out and fight for himself.


	4. Stuck at the Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission Get Lance Off the Farm has begun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how I feel about this chapter. I don't think it's the most well written of my works and I feel like maybe I lost the stories focus a little bit (even though I have the entire thing outlined lol) Anyway thanks for reading and thanks for all the nice comments!

Lance had a small relapse after Keith left. Nothing crazy. He just spent more days in bed. More days talking to the cows than his parents. More days staying at the photo of Allura and him on his desk. But his family noticed and was there for him. 

Another year came and passed. He missed their third reunion. He turned twenty-one. 

Lance didn’t want to admit it to himself, but after Keith left he was too scared to trust people. He found ways to stay in his room. He found ways to hide. He didn’t answer his friends calls or texts. Slowly they called less and less. Trusting people just hurt too much. Because they could leave.

Lance didn’t trust himself either. He threw himself into his work. He tended the fields, took care of his cows, he had more lectures on Altea and Earth. He missed Allura. He missed her so much. For how she made him feel, how she made him a better person. But her absence didn’t hold the same gut-wrenching pain anymore. Lance worried he didn’t love her. At least not in the same way, not like he once had. But Lance didn’t want to let go of his feelings, because that would mean she really was never coming back.

He felt empty. He felt lost.

One afternoon Lance came in from work like usual. He stripped his muddied boots on the porch and made for the shower. 

“Lance,” His mother called. “You have a phone call.”

Lance fingered the phone in his pocket, which had been silent all day. It had to be work if they were calling the home phone. “Coming mama.”

“Hello?” Lance answered. “Former blue paladin at your service.”

A sigh, “Is that how you answer the phone, Lance.” 

“Shiro. Hi. Hey. Sorry. I didn’t realize it was you.”

“I figured. You know, since you actually answered.”

Oh god. He was pissed. Oh god. Lance was in trouble. “What’s up,” Lance squeaked out.

“I think it’s time for another talk.”

Oh yes. Lance was in trouble.

Lance walked outside to the porch. “Okay. I’m ready. Lay it on me.”

“Lance. I’m not calling to reprimand you. You’re an adult. You can do whatever you want.”

“Thanks?”

“I’ll be honest. I gave you space because I thought that’s what you needed. I made sure the others gave you space, because that’s what I thought was best. But this has been going on long enough. It’s time to get your head out of your ass.”

Lance felt a prickling of frustration, but still, he couldn’t get himself to say anything in defense. 

“Lance. I get it’s hard. I know better than anyone. But we miss you. We want to know you’re okay.” 

They missed him? His friends missed him. It hit Lance. He hadn’t thought of that, not with their amazing lives and everything.

“Okay.”

“No more missing reunions.”

“Okay.” Lance felt himself standing straighter. 

“And answer your phone.”

“Roger that.”

Shiro let out a sigh on the other end of the phone. “Now I can tell you the good news.”

“News?”

“Curtis and I are getting married.”

“Holy crow, Shiro. That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you,” Lance said with genuine feeling.

“Thank you. The date is set for March, so I expect you to be there. I know you wiggled your way out of Matt’s wedding but that’s not going to work for me. No excuses.”

Lance let out a small chuckle, “Okay. Okay.”

“I’ll talk to you soon then.”

“Shiro?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you. I think I needed that.”

“Lance?”

“Yeah?”

“This may sound harsh, but Allura didn’t die for you to learn a lesson. She didn’t die for you to have a purpose. You have to live life for yourself.”

That struck Lance. He was going to have to think on that a little longer.

***  
After that, Lance answered his phone. He was slow to reply, he wasn’t the most attentive, but it was something. Shiro was always there to check on his mental health. Hunk would send photos of some of the food he had made, and Lance would send photos of his crops. Pidge enjoyed rambling about the crazy tech she was working on or whatever video game she was playing. Keith wasn’t much of a talker, simple two words texts. Lance wasn’t surprised. Classic Keith. 

It’s the middle of the night when the phone rings. He groans and rolls over but of course the buzzing doesn’t stop. He strips off his sleep mask. He doesn’t look at his phone, simply slaps at it till the call is accepted.

“Yeah,” He grumbles into the phone.

“Lance.”

Lance sits up.

“Keith.”

“Oh. Uh. Why are you sleeping so early,” A pause? “I didn’t mean to wake you,” he tacks on.

“It’s midnight Keith.”

“That’s not late.”

“I’m a farmer Keith. I get up to milk the cows at four in the morning.”

“Oh.”

“I need my beauty sleep. Goodnight.”

“Wait.”

“Yes,” Lance grumbles.

“I need help.”

“With what?”

“My best man speech.”

“You haven’t written it yet?”

“No…”

“Keith. The wedding is this Saturday. That’s like four days. Jeez.”

“I know. I know. Okay. It’s just hard.”

“Come one team leader, you give speeches all the time this should be a piece of cake.”

“Yeah. But I’ve only been to one wedding before. What do I say? I asked Hunk. He was absolutely no help, and Pidge just wanted me to tell embarrassing stories like she did for Matt. But I know you’ve been to a lot of weddings and I just figured you would know what to say.” 

Lance heard the panic in Keith’s voice.

“Okay. Calm down Keith. It’s not that hard. I know what Shiro means to you. How he’s always been there for you. You just have to put that into words. Just say how happy you are for him and what a great guy he is.”

“That’s it?”

“It’s not rocket science,” Lance chuckled, “But if you want, after you write it I could look at it. Make sure it’s not a total bore.”

“That would be great Lance.”

“Okay. Text me then.”

“Thank you.”

“Now let me get some sleep.”

“Er. Yeah. Sorry. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Keith. Rub Kosmo for me.”

“Will do.”

There was a pause. Like neither one wanted to hang up. Like they wanted to say more.

Lance touched the end call button and tried to fall back to sleep.

***  
Veronica picked up Lance from the airport the day of the wedding. He had planned it that way, so he would have the least amount of time interacting with people. Just a quick dash in and out. 

Not that Lance wasn’t excited. He was totally ready to party, or at least see his friend and hero getting married. But he was less keen on the idea of interacting with people. It used to be Lance’s thing, always one to charm others, one to party, but somewhere along the way all that attention, all the people, it became too much, it became less fun and more work. 

And even though the past few months he had been in contact with his friends, he was still really worried about getting chewed out. Particularly by Pidge.

“Feels weird to be back here,” Lance said.

“You should come by more often then,” Veronica smirked at Lance, “I have a feeling you would look really good in the Garrison uniform.”

Lance scoffed, “I think we both know orange and grey were never my colors.” She had been trying to get Lance to rejoin the Garrison for a while. Something in the back of Lance’s mind found the idea intriguing, but he knew he had settled down, found the quiet life. He didn’t want glory anymore. At least not in the way he once had.

“I’m sure if you asked they would make a special one for you, blue.”

“Oh my god,” Lance said putting his face in his hands, “Thinking back on it, it was so silly. But once I had the idea Keith wouldn’t let it go. Saying something about how we were a special unit. It’s kind childish thinking back on it.”

“Well you were a kid. Still are,” She said poking his side. “I thought it was Shiro who demanded the color coordinated outfits.

“Well he wasn’t complaining, but I don’t know. Keith just really really wanted those outfits for some reason.”

“Some reason,” Veronica said in fake innocence.

“What does that mean?”

Before Veronica could answer, Lance was being squeezed and lifted off the ground. “Lance. Oh my gosh. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. How are you?” Hunk said lifting Lance higher.

“Can’t breathe,” Lance choked out.

“Oh, sorry dude,” Hunk said placing Lance back on solid ground. 

Lance did a double take at Hunk. He was wearing a white suit with a yellow vest, “What are you wearing.”

“My suit? For the wedding. Remember Shiro talked about it in the group chat. Speaking of which, were all getting ready at their apartment. Your suit is there.”

“Oh great, matching color-coordinated suits,” Lance said sarcastically.

Lance waved bye to Veronica and the two shuffled off to get Lance ready. They had about an hour before the ceremony, and with Shiro, things would be running on time.

Lance greeted the group. Pidge practically jumped into Lance’s arms.

“Jeez,” Matt said. “Be careful. That’s a white suit Pidge.”

“Yeah, Yeah,” Pidge said not caring and squeezing Lance tighter.

Shiro and Coran gave Lance solid pats on the back. Keith was missing of course. Lance got ready, finding a white suit with blue accessories waiting for him. Wasn’t this a bit excessive? Lance wasn’t a paladin anymore, heck he wasn’t even the blue paladin if he was to be a paladin again. 

The group stared at him as he got changed.

“What?” Lance said self-consciously holding his shirt up to his chest. They had changed in front of each other before. It’s shouldn’t be weird. Plus, Lance had gained a lot of muscle over the past couple years. He knew he looked good.

“Where did you get that?” Hunk asked.

Lance looked around as if to see what Hunk was pointing at. Then he remembers. He touched his back. “Oh. This is from that time. With the omega shield. You know. I jumped in front of the thing. Allura brought me back to life.”

“Allura what?” Pidge yelled.

“Brought me—”

“No. I heard you, but…”

The group looked down at the floor awkward silence spreading. 

“It was a long time ago,” Lance said.

“I’m sorry Lance,” Shiro concluded. “A lot was going on back then. I’m sorry none us realized. We should have talked about it.”

“It’s fine. It’s in the past now,” Lance said starching his back. At least this scare, this reminder he couldn’t see.

“You paladins,” Matt said trying to lighten the mood. “Always sacrificing yourself.”

“What do you mean?” Lance asked.

“Well that one time with Keith.”

“Keith?”

“Yeah. He was going to sacrifice himself for that mission you know but then Lotor came in and saved us.”

Now it was Lance’s turn to do a double take, “Wait what? When? How? Why haven’t I heard about this?”

“You know what. Forget I brought it up. Didn’t happen,” Matt said taking a few careful steps back.

Lance let out a sigh. There was no reason to get angry with Matt or with Keith for that matter. Like he had said, it happened a long time ago. There was nothing they could do about it now. And if Lance had healed from his sacrificial attempt, well then, he hoped Keith had healed from his, in his own way.

The group fell back into easy conversation. Lance smiled at his friends as they laughed and goofed around. Lance wanted to be a part of that. Wanted so badly to fit in again. He just didn’t know how. How to act. How to pretend he was just the same old Lance. He missed feeling like himself. He missed being able to be goofy and dorky, and just…not sad. 

“Where’s Keith?”

Shiro turned to him, “He’s at the ceremony space. He wanted to make sure everything was ready to go.”

“Oh. I’ll go see if he needs help then,” Lance said. Lance needed to get out. He needed to do something with his hands. He just needed to not think for two seconds.

“Can you check on Romelle? It’s her first catering big event, running it without me.”

“Sure, thing buddy.”

Lance found Keith already in his tux pacing the venue space. Everything was set up, nobody was rushing around. Keith was just fretting the way Keith did. Typical Keith. 

“Hey man,” Lane said.

“Lance,” Keith said a smile gracing his face. When had he gotten so handsome? Lance thought. Maybe it was just the stupid suit. 

But then Keith’s frown appeared, his brows worried.

“Dude. It’s really going to be fine,” Lance placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know why I get so nervous.” 

Always the hero, but never wanting a spotlight, Lance thought.

“You really shouldn’t be.”

Keith took a deep breath. 

“Ready?” Lance asked. 

“Is this straight,” Keith said pulling at the bowtie, which he looked extremely uncomfortable wearing.

“It’s fine,” Lance said adjusting it slightly. Lance reached up and pulled out Keith’s ponytail. “You should wear your hair down. It looks nice.”

Keith subconsciously touched the back of his hair, “I thought it looked too wild.”

“No. It’s nice,” Lance said rubbing the end of a strand of hair. Realizing what he was doing, Lance pulled his hand away and stepped back. Lance looked away. He spotted Hunk who was talking to Romelle, probably about the catering. “Let your hair down once in a while Keith. You know. Figuratively. Literally.” A strained laugh “Well I’m just going to go over there and help Hunk bye.”

And then Lance walked away as fast as he could. 

The wedding was everything and more. Shiro and Curtis had wanted a quiet, low-key affair, but way too many people wanted to come and support the happy couple. The ceremony itself was done early in the afternoon, surrounded by only close friends and family. They said quiet vows between the two of them, special words that made Lance giddy yet slightly embarrassed. 

Lance had expected to feel sad, but he didn’t.

The ceremony was intimate and sweet, the after party was anything but. Familiar faces, mostly in Garrison attire, crowd the tables and dance floor. Aliens of different species they had met over the years flagged down the happy couple to offer congratulations. 

But for all the craziness, things seem to go as planned. They eat dinner, they cut the cake, Keith gave his speech perfectly, Coran has way too much Nunvil and starts talking about the good old days. Lance’s friends, the former paladins, are a popular group. Lance had been out of the public eye for so long he thinks people don’t recognize him. He isn’t getting the same attention, which he’s grateful for. Still Lance had barley anytime to talk to his friends because of how busy they are. They are important people now after all.

Lance finds himself a wallflower. Well, almost. He’s surrounded by a group of pretty aliens and bi-boh-bis. After all, it was easy to fall back into that, the playful, charming, lover boy. It’s a mask Lance liked. It was a mask Lance had learned to perform. It was second nature. 

Suddenly a familiar tune started to play. The theme song of one of Lance’s favorite video games. Lance excused himself and dashed up to Pidge who was currently surrounded by some big wigs. “Pidge we’re dancing now,” he said tugging on her hand.

Pidge seemed to register what was playing and let out a laugh, allowing Lance to drag her to the dance floor. Hunk must have seen them because he brought Shay over and the four of them began to dance, crazy, goofy moves ,while Lance performed the chorography from the music video that had come out with the song. 

“I can’t believe you remember the dance to this,” Pidge said. Because of course if Lance was going to know a choregraphed dance, it would be a big nerd song. And of course, even after years, he would not only remember said dance but dance it flawlessly.

“I could probably do the chorography from the Voltron Show if you asked me,” Lance laughed.

Another pop song began to play and the four continued to dance, different friends and allies joining them from time to time. 

And Lance fell into himself. He fell into the idea of being happy, of being free, of not having a care. Just having fun with his friends. Why had he thought it would be so hard to do something he loved?

“I’m going to get Keith,” Hunk said.

“Good luck with that,” Lance laughed, because Lance knew Keith was either sulking somewhere or talking important business.

A few minutes later Lance hears shouts. 

“Put me down Hunk,” Keith squabbled, as Hunk dragged Keith onto the dance floor. Well drag wasn’t the right word. Hunk had literally picked Keith up and threw him over his shoulder. 

Keith was placed on the dance floor and his friends surrounded him to keep him from escaping. After a few seconds of his team bumping hips and wagging their eyebrows Keith finally gave up and gave them his version of dancing, which involved awkwardly moving his arms around as minimally as possible.

Lance poked Keith in his side and was given a mean side eye. Lance laughed and continued to dance. They danced like this for a few songs. Escape no longer an option, Keith began to chill out and became less stiff.

The song ended transitioning into a slow song. Hunk and Shay paired off as did Matt and his wife. Lance looked around for anyone he knew, but Pidge had already scuttled away. Lance looked for a way to sneak off without looking like a pathetic loner.

He turned.

Keith. 

Keith took a step forward. 

“Would it be so bad to dance with me?” he asked. Keith grabbed his wrist, gentle but firm.

Lance turned to meet Keith head on. “Er. No. Just…” Lance trailed off as Keith slid his hand into Lance’s and placed his other hand firmly on Lance’s back. He drifted closer, dark shining eyes completely intoxicating Lance and shutting him up.

Their hands were light on each other, hesitant. The rest of their bodies stayed apart. But somehow that distance, that breath between them, sparked some kind of electricity, and Lance wondered what it would feel like to be pressed against Keith. 

Lance moved his eyes away, unable to hold Keith’s intense cool gaze.

Keith leaned forward, warm breath hit Lance’s neck and ear. A shiver shot up his spine.

“It’s not so bad is it?”

“Nope. Not at all,” Lance said in a single strained breath.

Keith was by no means a good dancer. They swayed back and forth like awkward middle schoolers. Normally Lance would sweep his partner into his arms and lead the dance, but something, his nerves, his shock, kept Lance in place, letting Keith lead.

There was a teeny tiny part of Lance’s brain that knew what he was feeling and why he was feeling that way. But Lance was a creature of habit and pushed those feeling down, letting his mind go blank. Definitely not thinking about Keith’s hair tickling his cheek or his breath at the back of his neck or his hands placed so gently on him. 

The song ended and the two instantly tore apart.

Which was all perfectly okay with Lance, until a man in a Garrison uniform darted between the two. A very cute guy. “Sorry, can I steal you for a dance,” the man said directed at Keith. Completely ignoring Lance. “I’m sorry. I just. I’ve always wanted the chance to talk with you.”

“Er—” Keith began. Keith crossed his arms looking for all the world like he wanted to dart away

“Thank you so much,” the man said talking Keith’s hand. With a stunned look on his face, Keith found himself dragged further onto the dance floor. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get another chance to talk with a paladin of Voltron.”

Lance watched shell shocked as Keith was waltzed away. 

Lance felt a very familiar bitterness hit him. “Hey, I was a paladin of Voltron too!” he called out, not that the guy could hear him.

Lance got out of the way of the dancers but continued to watch Keith. He was ready to dart in after the song ended but unfortunately another person came up to ask Keith to dance. This continued for a few more songs until Keith finally snapped and practically sprinted off the dance floor.

He joined Lance at a vacant table where he had been. Keith sat in the seat next to Lance as if to say he would not be getting up or dancing again.

“Have fun Cinderella?” Lance said.

“What the quiznack. Why didn’t you stop them?” Keith asked.

“You could have just said no,” Lance said.

“I tried,” Keith said exacerbated.

“I can’t believe anybody wanted to dance with you. Seeing as you are a terrible dancer,” Lance goaded an eyebrow raise.

“You should have stopped him. You knew I didn’t want to dance with him.”

“It’s not my job to defend your honor or whatever. Just say no next time.”

“I hate dancing.”

“Then why did you dance with me?”

Keith paused, his eyes stormy.

Lance was about to ask again when Pidge interrupted. “Guys, Shiro and Curtis are getting ready to leave.”

The three of them walked over to where Shiro’s getaway car was waiting. 

The two newlyweds said their goodbyes. Keith hugged his brother. Lance shook hands and promised to keep in touch, which received a “you better.” 

After Shiro helped Curtis into the car he turned his back to the waving crowd. Shiro had a bouquet, more for kicks than anything, and he turned his back to the crowd getting ready to throw it.

The flowers landed straight into Hunk’s hands. Probably on purpose. Shiro had good aim. Hunk blushed and handed the flowers to Shay. Everyone cheered and Shiro waved in final goodbye before hopping into the convertible car. 

Lance watched Shiro place a chaste kiss on Curtis cheek before revving the engine and finally heading out. Lance looked around at all his friends and family, soft smiles on the couples like Hunk and Shay, his sister Veronica and Axca. 

Lance thought about Shiro and Curtis. Shiro finally happy, finally at peace. He seemed so at ease. And Lance realized something. He wanted that. But more than anything he wanted to do something more. He wanted to change the world.

He wanted to live life for himself. He wants to live life to the fullest. He wanted to be happy again.

And Lance thought for the first time, maybe these feelings weren’t selfish. 

***

As soon as Lance got home he hopped on the computer. It was just an inkling of an idea, but as he went through the search bar, he was already giddy with hope. 

The Garrison unfortunately did not provide online classes, but that’s not what he wanted. By now he knew how to fly a plane. But Lance also knew that even though he had been accepted by the Garrison and had been a part of the program since he was twelve, he had technically not finished high-school by regular standards. What he really needed to learn was how to teach, particularly if his prospective students were going to be as wild as he was. 

Over the next few weeks Lance looked into as many online teaching programs as possible until he found a few he was happy with. Already March, Lance knew his chance of getting in for the semester were slim, but he decided to call up his first-choice school anyway, just to see. 

His video call request was immediately accepted by the university. The call ended with the dean of admissions promising a full ride to the education program, ensuring that Lance could get his degree in three years. It turned out being a former Paladin did have its perks. 

The next three years were a challenge, but a good one. Lance split his days between taking care of his farm with his family and studying and taking classes. The lectures fell away, but Lance had found a new goal, a new way to tell people about what was really important. 

“I’m sorry Allura,” Lance said to himself one day, “I have to do this. For myself. Then I’ll get back to your mission.” But inside Lance something was changing. Because maybe he could do things, live for himself, be more. Remember and move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If we go by my chapter outlines we are halfway through technically? I don't know though because I think other chapters may be longer than what I've written so far


	5. A Step in the Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance takes more small steps at healing, but is he fully ready to move on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The comments and kudos and everything just bring me so much joy! You have no idea
> 
> Also sorry to add this but one of my most dedicated followers (they seriously always read and commented on my work and they were so sweet) Peach Cat (pechat) has totally ghosted. And there's no way to contact them. I'm assuming it was because of s8 because ya know... it killed some of us. So if you are out there, I hope you're doing okay! I'm thinking of you!

After three long years, Lance was going to graduate. He had his teaching degree right in his grasp. The last year of the program he had worked at the local middle school, and now he was confident he could run a class all on his own. 

Lance loved kids. Maybe it was his goofy personality that helped Lance to connect and help his students, but whatever it was, something just clicked for Lance when he became a teacher. Plus, they all just adored him; he was a paladin of Voltron after all. It was going to be hard, but if Lance had learned anything from his time as a teaching assistant, it was that teaching was rewarding.

It was their six-annual reunion. Lance was turning twenty-five that July. When had he got so old? He wondered. 

They were sitting around the table under Allura’s statue like every year and it was obvious just how old they had gotten. In Lance’s words they all looked like the grizzled, cooler versions of themselves. Hunk looked absolutely fantastic, rocking a chiseled jaw and just so much confidence. Shiro, unfortunately, just kept looking older and older with his white hair and glasses, but he looked happy. Pidge, the nerd, was rocking the scientist dork look with glasses and an edgy haircut. And Keith.

Well. Keith looked. Like Keith. 

Okay. He looked good. He had the muscles and the sharp angles, and his hair was ridiculous, but somehow Lance really, really wanted to touch it. 

But Lance wasn’t going to think about that. 

“I have some exciting news guys,” Lance said perking up. They were all just talking about work, catching up. A thing that happened every year, a conversation that normally became awkward when it was Lance’s turn. 

“Buy a new cow?” Hunk asked.

“Nope,” Lance said with a smirk.

“Kaltenecker is pregnant?” Pidge asked.

“What. No. Why do you think it has to do with cows?”

“Just tell us Lance,” Keith said.

“I’m graduating college!”

The table was silent for a solid six sentences before everyone exploded in questions. “Wait. What? Since when have you been going to college? What are you even studying.”

“I studied education with a minor in physics and engineering.”

“Really? I thought you hated those subjects.” Hunk said.

“Doesn’t mean I was bad at them,” Lance said defensively.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Wait, when’s the ceremony?” Keith asked.

“There isn’t a ceremony. I did it online.”

“Why didn’t you go to the Garrison?” Shrio asked. “I could have pulled some strings.”

“It was just something I wanted to do for myself, by myself,” Lance shrugged.

“This is so exciting Lance,” Hunk said.

“You have to teach at the Garrison. I’m sure you can get a job easy peasy,” Pidge added.

“I’m really proud of you Lance,” Shiro said. “But let me call up Iverson for you, we’ll get you on the roster for next semester.”

Lance smirked, “I already have a job. I talked to Iverson last week.”

“As what a cargo pilot?” Keith said poking Lance in the side. Lance knew this was his idea of affection and pride.

“No, I’m going to be a flight instructor, Keith.”

Everyone got up from the table to give Lance congratulatory hugs and pats on the back.

“I’m really proud of you Lance,” Keith said.

Lance felt himself smile softly. It meant so much that his friends cared, that his friends were proud. He had been too scared to tell them before. Too scared he would drop out, that he would fail. But here he was. A college graduate. Waiting and surprising them was so satisfying. 

“It’s a big step, but I’m really excited,” Lance said.

After dinner Lance lingered in the field near Allura’s statue. A little private moment for him to talk to her. 

“So, teacher huh?” 

Lance turned. Keith was standing behind him hands in his pocket.

“Yeah. You were right,” Lance sighed “In the end, I just wanted to do something more.”

“Why the Garrison? I didn’t think you were really into school when you were there. Why teaching specifically,” Keith asked with curiosity. 

“I really like teaching. I did some assistant stuff and training when I was in school, and I really enjoyed it. But you know. The Garrison isn’t always…we didn’t always see eye to eye. And I really wanted to fix that. Give kids a good experience. Really do something. Teach the future generation you know?”

“You’re really going to make a difference. I know that Lance.”

Lance laughed. “How do you know?”

“Because you’re you. And you’re amazing. I know you can do it.”

“Thanks, Keith. That means a lot.”

Keith placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder and squeezed, Lance simply smiled. 

***  
Lance had just moved the last of his stuff into the small farm house. Most officers opted for the military barracks or the military apartments. But Lance had been saving his money for his own place a small way off from campus. Because in his heart, he was a country boy, and he wanted his own space. The house was small, only two bedrooms, but it had a couple acres attached that Lance could maybe plant something or have some animals. Lance now wondered how much could grow out here in the deserts. 

His furniture had arrived a few days before. It was modest, but perfectly acceptable. Lance began unpacking his boxes. He didn’t have a ton, his skin care products, clothes, knickknacks from his journey all those years ago. Lance took out his photos, placing them on the mantle. His family, pictures from his paladin days, a few from the reunions. 

Lance picked up the picture of him and Allura. It was from their first date, Lance’s only date if he was being perfectly honest. Lance moved to the bedroom to place it in the usual spot beside his bed.

Then he stopped. 

Lance turned back to the living room, thinking for a moment. Lance walked back to the mantle place and nestled the photo among the others, between one from the Voltron Show and the photo from the first reunion. 

Yeah. That was a good spot for it. 

***  
That summer Lance readjusted back to military life, taking courses in proto-call and other boring stuff. His first class was that fall. He would be running the flight simulation classes for the six and seventh grade cadets, so basically twelve and thirteen-year-olds. 

Lance was a little nervous for his first class, but he knew better than to let it show. Lance wrote his name on the board as his first batch of students filtered in. Lance could tell they were nervous too, looking uncomfortable and small in their uniforms. Had Lance ever been that small? He chuckled, yeah, he used to be the smallest in his class. 

Lance turned to the class, where most of them were whispering amongst themselves, occasionally looking at him and pointing.

The bell rang. 

“Good morning cadets,” Lance said. “My name is Commander McClain, and I’ll be your instructor for your flight school training. I’m sure many of you dream of being a fighter pilot, and I’m here to help you for the first leg of that journey. Flight school is the first step for all young cadets. From here you’ll be trained in a particular course, perhaps you’ll be a pilot, perhaps an engineer or a communications tech. But we don’t need to get into that now.” 

A young girl held up her hand.

“Yes?”

“Are you Lance McClain? As in the Lance McClain of Voltron? The blue and then the red paladin.”

“Yep that’s me!” Lance smirked, 

Lance watched as the whole class stared at him in complete admiration. Yeah this was going to be fun.

***  
The semester was going even better than Lance thought it would. The kids really seemed to like him, dad jokes aside. Even Iverson was impressed, and maybe even a little perturbed, by his excellent teaching skills. The kids liked him, and they did well in his class. 

Lance was in his office one night trying to finish up his grading when he decided to investigate the kitchen for a midnight snack. Lance had been there for hours. It was mid-semester, and as much as Lance liked teaching, he was never going to be one for homework or paper work. Which basically meant he had left his progress reports to the last minutes and he now had to deal with the consequences and was doing an all-nighter.

Lance passed by the flight simulation room and saw a faint light from one of the little flight boxes. Lance went to investigate. Hopefully it wasn’t kids making out. Lance didn’t know how to deal with that.

Lance crept up to the door of the simulator. Inside a girl from Lance’s class was hunched over the controls. Her name was Allison. Lance thought she could be a good pilot, but she always got nervous and jumped the gun too early. Lance watched as she drove her plane into an asteroid. 

She let out a frustrated cry.

“I understand hard work, but it’s after hours cadet.”

The girl jumped. Lance watched as she scrubbed tears at her eyes. 

Lance paced forward and bent down next to her, “Allison. What’s wrong?”

“I’m not good enough. I’m just no good at all.”

“That’s not a big deal.”

“Yes it is.”

“You know Hunk and Pidge? The yellow and green paladin? They weren’t great at the flight simulator either. They never really piloted till they became a part of Voltron. You’ll find you’re place.”

“But I really want to be a fighter pilot.”

Lance sighed. “You know back in day I was known as the tailor.”

“But I thought your name was Lance, Commander.”

“No, it was—never mind. What I want to say is that I didn’t star off as this amazing pilot. I actually started out as a cargo pilot.”

Allison’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah. I actually did what you did. I spent every minute I could in the simulator and you now what? I got better. But it doesn’t happen in one night. And it won’t happen if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Allison nodded her head.

“Okay. Now why don’t we both go back to bed before either of us gets in trouble.”

Allison let out a laugh and scurried off to bed. 

It was moments like this that Lance truly appreciated his job. Shiro had been the only one there for Lance at school, a constant reminder of what he wanted to be. But mostly, Lance had been on his own. He didn’t do well. The teachers took his carefree attitude as laziness, when in reality, he really wanted to be the best. They overlooked him. They ignored him. 

Lance wanted to be there for these kids. Make a difference in their lives.

***

The best thing about being back at the Garrison was getting to see Pidge and Shiro all the time. They were both still working at the Garrison. He often ate with them or his sister or the MFE pilots. Hunk would also drop in from time to time. Lance wondered if Keith would ever come to visit Shiro, he claimed to split his free time between Daibazaal and Earth, but Lance didn’t see him once that year. Sure they all texted, but sometimes it didn’t feel enough.

***

It was the middle of the night when Lance woke up crying. It took him a moment to figure out where he was. He was on Altea, back in his room. They had just had their reunion that evening, and in the morning, they would be leaving to go back to their lives.

Lance wiped his eyes, but it did little to stop the on-flow of tears. Because after all, Lance still had hard days. Lance was just frustrated that today was going to be one of those days. Lance climbed out of bed and walked back to the statue. 

He looked up at her. A light breeze ruffled his hair and clothes, his feet were cold on the concrete. 

Lance sighed. He had found his place, found purpose, found a way to make himself happy and spread a powerful message, but there were still times when Lance just couldn’t pick himself back up. 

Lance felt a strong hand on the back of his neck. Keith slid up next to him, his eyes looking forward. Lance didn’t know if Keith had heard him or what, but somehow, he knew. Lance didn’t have to say anything. Keith would just be there. Until he was ready to talk, even if he didn’t talk. He was there.

Keith kept a firm grip on Lance’s neck, a reminder he wasn’t alone, a way to keep him grounded. Lance let himself cry, ugly silent tears. 

After some time, the tears stopped, and Lance whipped his eyes. “You are so good to me Keith. I don’t deserve this.”

“I’m your friend Lance. I’m here for you.” 

Lance turned and found Keith giving him a hard look. “Don’t think you don’t deserve to be comforted. You were always there for me.”

“What are you talking about?” Lance said. “You were the only always supporting me.”

“That’s not true. You were there for me when nobody else was. You accepted me as the black paladin, you never thought bad about me for being Galran. You always supported me Lance. You were—are—my right-hand man.”

Keith paused again. Lance could see him putting on his big Leader Keith voice, but his words came out soft. “The war hurt us. It did us wrong. It’s not easy for any of us. Some days I wake up and I… just don’t feel bad for needing help. You’re the person you taught me about teamwork. So, don’t you dare think you have to do this alone Lance.”

“Thanks Keith.”

“Sure, you were stupid and annoying, but you were there for me.”

Lance laughed. “And you were emo and so frustrating, but you were there for me too.”

“Okay. Good. We’re on the same page. Now tell me about what you’re feeling.”

For the first time Lance talked about how he felt, about Allura, about missing her, about how he was scared to move on. And Keith was there for him. Lance realized that maybe Keith had always been there for him. God, this guy was too good to be Lance’s friend, waiting around, always helping Lance. 

Lance smiled. He was one lucky guy.

***  
Another year came and went. Lance really wanted to have goats and chickens and maybe a cat, but right now he was too busy. Lance did plant a small garden; Colleen Holt had rigged some kind of high-tech irrigation system that Lance couldn’t understand, but it meant that his plants were thriving. 

Lance threw himself into work, loving every second of it. Lance didn’t go out much. He hung out with Shiro and Curtis or Pidge, but that was about it. Lance also made sure Hunk visited often. Even Keith would stop by from time to time for a quick check in (apparently one of the big reason’s Keith didn’t visit was because Iverson was always trying to recruit him). Lance would go home for the summer to hang out with his family. But Lance was mostly on his own.

Lance hadn’t even thought about dating. 

That was until Hunk brought it up one day. Shay and Hunk had been dating for a while now. Hunk didn’t really see the point in an official ceremony. In his eyes they were already together and Balmerans didn’t have the same customs for marriage ceremonies, so they didn’t see a real reason to do anything big. Still they were thinking about a family at this point. Which really made Lance feel old. But Hunk was more worried about Lance’s dating life.

“Get out there, lover boy.”

“I just don’t see the point Hunk. I’m happy. I love my job. If something is meant to happen it will.”

“Dude. I saw you today. Not just one, but three people flirted with you. And you did nothing.”

“Wait who?”

“Ryan for one.”

“Ryan was not flirting.”

“The waitress at the restaurant, and then Veronica’s friend, commander… what was her name?”

“Now you’re just making things up.”

“And you are being oblivious.”

“Well I don’t want to date those people anyway.”

“How about a dating app then? Give it a try. It might not be so bad.”

“I just don’t think there’s any reason for all that.”

“I’m just worried Lance. We all are. You aren’t the type of person who likes being alone. Just give it a try. Please? For me?” Hunk pulled out his big puppy eyes.

Lance rolled his eyes. “Fine. Fine. I’ll give it a try.”

***  
Lance signed up for the app the next day. It was all so simple and straightforward.

First question. Did Lance prefer male, female or both? Wasn’t that a little outdated? Lance thought, especially with aliens?

Lance thought on the question.

The question, so simple, so plain, stirred something in Lance. He hadn’t thought about it too much. But seeing the option so easy in front of him made him almost giddy. And in a burst of courage he clicked the both option. 

Yeah. Both was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endnotes Guys, the next chapter is titled A Leap of Faith. Can anyone guess what’s going to happen???? :) Also I’m home for the holidays, and I want to write the next chapter really well so it may take a couples of days, should be out before Christmas.


	6. A Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Lance finally healed? Is he able to move on? And what are these weird feelings he has for Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I led you guys on with the dating app, it was literally just supposed to be a ploy to show that Lance was okay with dating guys now.

Lance lasted about three days on the dating app before he deleted it.

There was nothing out of the ordinary. He got the standard creepiness, the genuine interest buried within the sex invites. But overall it was just too overwhelming. At his core, Lance was just a good old-fashioned boy. He was going to do things his way and wait for the right person to come into his life.

What was the rush?

Apparently for Hunk there was a rush. 

“Come on Lance you got game. You’re a paladin of Voltron. Plus, you got the hot military thing going on.”

Lance was currently having a video chat with Hunk and Shay. Hunk had just finished a diplomatic mission with three waring planets. It turned out Hunk had to do a lot more of the diplomatic stuff now instead of the actual cooking, but he was enjoying his new leadership.

“I’ve been on dates. It doesn’t work out. I get all nervous.” 

“I bet you’ll loosen up once you get la—”

“Do not finish that sentence,” Lance said with a finger point.

Hunk’s eyes widened. “Dude. Are you. Wait. You’re—”

“Yes. Hunk. Geez. Yes. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Dude…”

“It’s just not that easy,” Lance snapped. “Wanting to move on and actually doing it are two different things.”

Hunk’s mouth clamped shut.

“Shit. I’m sorry Hunk. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You’re not still hung up on—”

“I’m not.” Lance put his head in his hands. “I’m not. I just. Why is everything so hard now?”

Shay spoke up, “Perhaps you are going about this in the wrong way.”

Hunk nodded. “It doesn’t have to go perfectly. I’m just saying get out there.”

“I’ve been on dates. They were awful. I just don’t see the point pushing it with random people.”

“Then find someone you really like,” Hunk touched Shay’s hand.

Shay cut in, “We Balmerans have a saying of sorts. We look not for who we want but who we need. Someone who completes us. A symbiotic relationship.”

“You deserve to be happy bro,” Hunk said. “We don’t want to push you into things. We just want you to be happy.”

“I know. Thanks guys. I’ll keep trying. I guess. At my own pace.”

Hunk nodded. “Yeah. Just do things at your own pace. It’ll work out.”

Lance said his goodbyes and closed the video call.

Was he still hung up on Allura? No. Not exactly. He just couldn’t get the idea out of his head that he was going to mess up his next relationship. That he somehow wouldn’t be enough. Lance thought about what Shay had said. Was there really someone out there who completed Lance? Who did Lance need in his life?

Someone flashed in Lance brain. No. No. That was stupid. No. 

***

Another year another reunion. They talked about the good old days; they were at the point where they could laugh and smile about things without feeling sad after. Since moving back to the Garrison, Lance didn’t feel like an outsider anymore. Seeing his friends all together like this made Lance happy. 

Lance was so happy.

But…

It wasn’t always that easy.

That night Lance couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t quite spirally, or slipping back into painful thoughts, but something felt off. He had dealt with this long enough that he knew how to manage his thoughts, knew how to check himself. 

Lance wandered outside to the field of flowers beside Allura’s statue. He always ended up here it seemed. Lance laid back in the grass and let the gentle warm wind lull him to sleep. 

Lance woke up, the field now lit by moonlight. 

“Lance,” a familiar voice called out.

Lance jolted up. He turned. And Lance was running, slipping in the dew stained grass. Because it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

Lance threw himself into her outstretched arms. They crashed into each other. 

“Is this real? I don’t care. God. I missed you.”

Lance pulled back to study the young woman’s face. It was the same, beautiful and honest and happy. God. She looked so happy. Lance felt tears in his eyes. She touched his face. Her hand didn’t have any heat. 

This wasn’t real…

But Lance had seen Allura in his dreams and it had never felt like this.

“Lance. I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so far,” Allura said. There were tears in her eyes now.

“I’m doing my best every day, for you,” Lance said. Lance squeezed her shoulders. 

Allura frowned. She pulled out of Lance’s grasp. “But you aren’t happy.”

“I’m very happy,” Lance said defensively trying to pull on a smile “I love what I’m doing.”

Allura placed her hand over Lance’s heart. “You’re not happy,” she said. It wasn’t a question. 

“I want to be happy. I think I’ve forgotten how.”

“It’s my fault Lance.”

“It’s not. Don’t blame yourself.”

She shook her head. “I gave you the marks of the chosen. I intended…I never thought how it would scar you. I’m sorry.” Then quietly, “Do you need them?”

Lance touched her cheek. “I never needed marks to know that I’m special. Heck the most amazing girl in the universe loved me.” Allura smiled at him. Lance had missed that smile. “I have a family. I have a team. I have friends. I have…it’s enough.”

“You have always been enough Lance.” She touched his cheek just under his marks. “Can I take these back?”

Lance nodded. 

“I’ll always be with you. I will always protect you,” Allura smiled. “But you don’t need me anymore.”

Lance nodded. 

“I’ll never leave you Lance. I’ll always be here,” she said touching his chest.

Lance nodded again, tears finally slipping down his face. He touched her hand on his cheek. 

“I’m going to be okay,” Lance said confidently. 

“Lance. Please be happy. It’s okay to move on.”

Lance didn’t know he needed to hear those words from her. 

“Thank you, princess.”

A light blue light seemed to dance across her fingertips as she lightly touched each of his marks. Her own marks glowed. Lance felt his cheeks grown warm under her touch.  
She kissed his cheek and pulled away. “Please. Live,” she whispered. She gave him one last small smile.

Lance watched as she walked away into the dark. The wind picked up, blowing her long hair. Petals from the juniberry flowers blew across Lance’s vision. And in a flash of blue she was gone.

***  
“Lance. Lance!” 

Lance opened his eyes. Keith was bending over him. They were in the juniberry field. 

Lance sat up, and looked around, but he knew she wasn’t going to be there.

“Why are you out here?” Keith asked.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Lance touched his eyes, brushing away the remnants of tears. 

Keith’s eyes snapped onto his face. He reached forward, too afraid to touch, “You’re marks. They’re. They’re.”

Keith settled a hand on each side of Lance’s face, his gaze intense as if staring would somehow bring the missing marks back. His eyes flickered up to meet Lance’s.

Lance looked behind Keith to the statue, “She…” Lance didn’t have the words. “It was time.” He said simple.

“You’re okay?” Keith said his brows drawing upward.

Lance let out a chuckle at Keith’s worried expression. “More than okay Mullet.”

Keith let out a sigh and leaned back. Lance felt his warm hands slip off his face. He missed that warmth. “I’m too old for this magical nonsense.”

That got a real laugh out of Lance and he tumbled backwards into the grass.

Keith stared down at him before a smile slipped onto his face. Lance could get used to that smile.

***

The school year started up again. Lance was starting his third year teaching; he was finding a groove, finding his way to slowly fix the Garrison, one rule and prejudice at a time.

Lance heard a knock on his office door, “Come in,” he called. The door opened. Lance continued to finish up his assignment. “I’ll be right with you.”

“Alright Commander,” a voice chuckled.

Lance did a double take. Keith was leaning against his door, dressed in his Marmoran outfit, his muscular arms crossed, his stupid hair draped over one shoulder, a gentle smile on his face.

Lance felt his cheeks flame, his heart going into overdrive.

“Keith,” he stood up. “Hey man, I didn’t know you were coming in.” Lance smiled, because he couldn’t help smiling. 

“Shiro and Curtis have been bugging me to visit.”

“Well yeah. You never come.”

“I’m busy,” Keith said in fake frustration. “Providing aid to the universe.”

Lance reached out a hand and Keith took it. The shake lasted a moment longer than necessary. “Do you want to get dinner at my place?”

“You aren’t busy?”

“I got time for you buddy.”

Lance led Keith out of the Garrison. Kosmo was apparently at Shiro and Curtis place, along with Keith’s small aircraft, so Lance drove them back in his Garrison jeep. 

“So, you’re back. How long this time before the universe needs Keith Kogane?”

“I don’t know. I was kind of thinking about taking a sabbatical.”

“You deserve it man.”

“Yeah. I just don’t know where I’m going to stay. Shiro and Curtis are kind of all gross with each other.”

“I know!” Lance laughed. “They are seriously never going to leave the honeymoon stage. But I’m sure the Garrison would give you an apartment.”

“They aren’t too keen on the whole dog thing.”

“That dog is a horse,” Lance said pointedly

Keith ignored him, “Plus, I wouldn’t want to cage up Kosmo like that. He needs more space. I still have the shack though.”

Lance gave Keith a hard look as they pulled into his driveway. “There is no way in hell I’m letting you stay in that sad little shack. You can stay with me.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense. You’re my friend. You are staying with me.”

“But I might be here for a while. Like, a year, awhile.”

Lance scoffed. “I don’t care. As long as you don’t move my bathroom stuff you can stay forever.”

***  
Over the next three months Lance and Keith learned how to be close again. Learning to live in each other space. Learning to be friends the way they once were. There were fighters. There were compromises. There were apologies. But mostly there were laughs and smiles and comfort.

They cooked for each other. They took bikes into the desert and raced. They watched the stars on Lance’s porch. Lance taught Komso how to fetch, and Keith came as a guest speaker to Lance’s class, causing a big commotion.

Shiro and Pidge and Hunk were frequent visitors. It felt like old times, and yet not. It was easier than it had been in the past.

A comfortable companionship. Comfortable silence. Comfortable closeness.

Still, it wasn’t easy. 

There were times when one of them woke up screaming. There were days when pats on the back did nothing to ease the sadness. There were days when fake smiles were passed between them. There were days when they wouldn’t look at each other. When things weren’t easy between them. When they didn’t know how to act, when they didn’t know if it was okay to comfort, okay to touch. 

An unspoken line.

There were times when Lance found himself in front of his flowers crying and he had no explanation for why this would happen, only a pain deep in his chest. 

There were times when Keith would get mad, seemingly for no reason, and leave in a huff, only to come back hours later, never telling Lance where he had gone. The leaving hurt Lance the most.

Still. Lance wouldn’t trade Keith being there for anything.

***  
Four months after Keith moved in, Lance woke up to a shout. Komso, to Keith’s dismay, slept a lot with Lance. The space dog, while magical, was still a dog and had gotten older over the past years. The dog was now curled up into Lance’s side and hadn’t moved an inch. He must not have heard Keith, or he would have zapped to his master’s side.

Lance pealed himself out of bed and walked to Keith’s room.

“Keith,” Lance said knocking on the guest bedroom door. “You okay?”

Lance heard another muffled scream. Lance banged the door open. Keith was tangled in his sheets thrashing. “Keith!” Lance sprang to the bed. Lance shook his shoulders. “Wake up. Keith. Wake up.”

Lance watched as Keith opened his eyes. It took a few moments for them to finally focus and settle on Lance’s face. 

“Lance?” Keith said sitting up.

Lance sat on the bed. “I’m here.”

Keith whipped at his face like there were tears. But of course, there weren’t because this was Keith, and Keith would never cry, at least not that Lance had ever seen. Keith let out a shuttering sigh and set his head in the crook of Lance’s neck. Lance put an arm around his friend. And together they sat. 

Lance waited until Keith’s breathing calmed. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Keith said in a ragged voice. “Yeah.” 

Suddenly Keith pulled back from Lance, tucking his head into his knees.

“Sometimes. It just comes back.” 

Lance reached out to pat his back. Keith flinched. 

“I know.” Lance said. Lance reached out again and pulled Keith into his arms, Keith’s huddled body against his chest. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Keith froze in Lance’s embrace. He pushed away.

“Keith,” Lance said in a broken voice. Had he done something wrong? He was trying to be there. Because Keith was always there for him. What did he do?

“I think you should leave,” Keith said quietly.

Lance stood up. “What’s wrong.”

“Nothing. It’s me. Just. I can’t.” 

Lance felt himself get up and take a step backwards. “I’m sorry.”

Cold eyes met Lance’s. Keith sat back, his face hidden in the shadows. His voice was stiff. “I think it would be best if I went back to the blades.”

Lance tried to laugh. “You don’t have to leave. You aren’t a burden to me.”

“You’re burdening me, Lance,” Keith said, he looked down. 

That one line hit Lance deep in his gut.

Lance clenched his teeth. “Don’t leave me. Why are you always leaving me?”

“Because. I can’t keep doing this,” Keith said his eyes snapping to Lance. “This,” he pointed from himself to Lance. “It’s not healthy. I’ve been pinning after your ass since we were seventeen. And I just can’t do this anymore.”

Lance felt his mouth flap open.

“This is so unhealthy. My feelings. When I know you don’t feel that way. I’ve dated other people. I’ve tried to move on. But here I am. Acting like an idiot. Throwing myself onto you. Comforting you. Being there for you. Giving you everything. Even though it hurts. Even though, you are never going to be there for me. But ever since our bonding moment…” Keith looked up at Lance. “It needs to stop. I need to stop.”

Lance couldn’t say a word.

Keith ran his hands through his tousled hair. “It hurts Lance. I can’t make you happy and be happy at the same time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be gone in the morning.”

“I… please don’t leave me.”

Keith laughed. “Can you just get out? I can’t do this. Can you please just leave me in peace?”

Lance felt himself walk out the door. Lance heard the click of the lock, and he knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life. 

Lance paced outside the door. He could hear Keith moving around, probably packing. Lance tried to knock but was met with silence. How did he get Keith to open up? Literally and figuratively. How could he explain?

Explain what exactly? Lance thought.

That you don’t want him to leave, a small voice said.

Lance knew how he felt about Keith. That it was more. It had always been more than rivals, more than friends. But like always, Lance had just pushed those feelings away. But still. With Keith in his life these past few months he couldn’t imagine him gone.

Keith belonged in Lance’s life. 

Lance paced out of the house and onto the porch. He had a few things to think about.

***

The front door opened just as the sun was coming up. Lance dragged a hand over his face. His butt was numb from sitting still for hours, he was cold, and tired. But he didn’t care. He had come to a conclusion.

Komso pranced out the door to Keith’s spacecraft, which sat idly in the driveway.

Keith walked down the stairs past him, trying not to make eye contact. 

Lance reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his suit. He was dressed in the Marmoran suit. The one that made him look really good. Keith tried to pull his arm free. Lance wrapped a hand around his wrist. 

If Keith wanted, he could have jerked out of Lance’s grip, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t face Lance either though.

“Where are you going? I said not to leave me again stupid.”

“Goodbye Lance,” Keith said in that hard tone of his. 

Lance pulled on Keith’s wrist, trying to get him to spin around. “I was in love with you, you know.”

Keith laughed. “When was that?”

“In the Garrison. When we first met. You were in that stupid red hoodie. You already had a mullet. You were standing next to Shiro. He was talking you up to Iverson. And I fell.”

Keith spun around.

“You stole a little bit of my heart that day. I didn’t get why I admired you. But you were hanging out with my hero and you looked so cool, and…and then you turned out to be this amazing pilot,” Lance chuckled. “You were always pissing off Iverson, and you never, I mean never, listened. And you stood up for Shiro. But you still wouldn’t even look at me. Honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted to be you or date you. So, I started this stupid rivalry. And then you disappeared.”

Lance looked up. Keith’s eyes shown as the sun hit them.

“You always disappear from my side. But then you show up again. Always so unexpectedly. Back then, when it all happened, when we found Blue, I didn’t understand how I felt. I tried to pass it off as this rivalry. And then the bonding moment happened.”

“Oh. So, you do remember,” Keith said darkly.

“Yes. Keith,” Lance snapped. “I freaking remember, okay? I fell for you a little more that day. But I didn’t know how to deal with it. I’d never felt like that for someone, and definitely not a guy.”

“Is that why—”

“Let me finish, okay? That’s not what it was. Not entirely. I was scared. You didn’t trust me. I didn’t think I had a chance. But I got closer anyway. I grew up because of you. But before I knew it you were running away from me again. And I thought…well. I thought a lot of stupid things. Then there was Allura and Lotor. And yeah. Things just happened so fast.”

“You liked me?” Keith said. It was softer this time.

Lance pulled himself up so that they were facing each other equally. “Yes. God. Yes.”

“I thought you liked Allura. I never thought I could…I didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? You should have said something.”

“It was never the right time,” Keith said shaking his head “You didn’t say anything either.”

Lance laughed, “You felt that way, and I…I came to you so many times for comfort. Why don’t you hate me?”

“I kind of did if I’m honest.”

Lance let out a laugh. He could see Keith’s face softening. Keith had liked Lance, still liked Lance. “But all this time? And you still like me? God what were we doing?”

“Being stupid,” Keith said. “I thought you would never think of me that way.”

“And so you ran away?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Keith. It’s not just the running away,” Lance grabbed onto Keith shoulders. “You sacrificed your spot on the team for me.”

“I did.” Warm, confidant eyes.

“And then you threw yourself into the line of fire.”

“You did too.”

“That was different.”

“No, it wasn’t. It scared me. And it hurt. It hurt so fucking much.”

“I can’t lose someone again,” Lance squeezed Keith hard. “I can’t lose you. I really can’t lose you.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Keith said in a cracked voice.

“Then don’t.”

“We can’t go back to then. We aren’t the same.”

Lance looked into Keith’s eyes, trying to read the expression there. Lance could spend eternity trying to unpuzzle Keith. He couldn’t decide if he loved that or hated that. “I don’t want to go back to that. To that crush.” He paused. “Something is always leading me back to you. I’m falling for you now Keith. The you that you are now. That’s the Keith I like,” Lance reached up and pushed a fallen strand of Keith’s hair. He had thrown it up in a loose ponytail, but it was messy and unkept, like he hadn’t slept either. His eyes said much of the same story.

Keith took a step.

Lance took a step. A step into Keith’s arms. Into his heat. Hands griped the back of Lance’s neck, grounding him in place.

“I can’t ever forget you. No matter how hard I try,” Keith said. “No matter how many people I date. I can’t forget you. You’re stupid and loud and kind and sincere and you always think about everybody else.” Keith’s head fell onto Lance’s shoulder.

“You’re blunt and aloof, and I never know what you’re thinking, but you are always there for me, and you’re always so strong. It feels right with you,” Lance let out a sigh, easing into the embrace, the strong hands gripping him. “You leave me, but every time I’m almost healed you just fall right in my path again. Why?”

“Because I can’t forget you.”

“Then don’t forget me,” Lance gripped onto Keith’s back harder, “I want you to be my future Keith. I want you to be there.”

Keith chuckled. Lance felt hot breath against his neck “That’s pretty selfish.”

“Good,” Lance said gripping tightly onto Keith’s shoulders. “I’m not letting anyone else leave me.”

Keith sighed against Lance’s neck, “Should we give us a try?”

Lance felt tears prick his eyes. He nodded, burying his head into Keith’s neck. He breathed in the musky, spicy sent, like a bonfire and cinnamon and pine trees. He nodded again. “Us sounds pretty good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jfc I almost forgot. So I got the idea to have Lance "loose" his Altean marks from an anon on Astrolatte's Tumblr asks. So shout out to that anon!!!! That was a good idea. Basically Lance is finally accepting himself and learning that he can heal and move on, and so the marks disappear not because he isn't worthy, but because he has fully healed. He doesn't love Allura less, just not in the same way. I really wanted Lance to heal himself in this fic. I love Keith helping Lance, but Lance is an independent man who can heal himself!! 
> 
> Thank you for all the love and comments and support :)
> 
> Me to me: Is this too soon? This is happening too quickly right? They haven’t really been super close yet.  
> Also me: It’s been fucking ten plus years. Keith’s pinning ass can’t wait much longer.  
> And so, they got all icky sticky. I’m sorry I’m such a sap. 
> 
> And there is still more to come! Now it's just the happy times :)


	7. Cautions Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After ten plus years of pinning, Keith and Lance finally start something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy conversations with no plot? More likely than you think.

So, with the new year, Lance welcomed Keith slowly into his life.

They weren’t hiding their relationship or embarrassed by their new closeness, but right now there was an unspoken agreement to keep things low key. Right now, it was time for them to figure out their relationship. They didn’t need to proclaim it to the world. 

Plus, both of them figured their friends would puzzle it out eventually. Not that they saw much of their friends; the Atlas crew along with Hunk had been assigned to a particularly strenuous mission, and Pidge, on the verge of some new discovery, refused to leave her lab. 

But that was okay, because it gave Lance and Keith time to adjust. 

And slowly, slowly, slowly, Lance fell.

Because he didn’t have to be anything but himself for Keith. And Keith just had to be there to make Lance happy.

Mornings were filled with long jogs and trips to the gym. Afternoons were spent with Lance teaching while Keith tended the farm, becoming Lance’s handyman. Evenings were quiet and simple. But they were together. 

And all Lance could think was how right this all felt. It was like everything had just fallen into place. Keith talked more than Lance ever thought possible, and Lance found himself chattering back, something he hadn’t done in years. Other times they just sat quietly, Keith listening to an audiobook, Lance doing grades or just staring at Keith. And when Keith would ask why Lance was staring, Lance would reply “Because I can.”

Keith did this little thing where he held out his hand or tapped Lance’s wrist, until Lance conceded and intertwined their fingers. And Lance would always sit on top of Keith. If Keith was in a chair, Lance was stretched across him. If Keith was on the sofa, Lance’s feet were in his lap. One time Lance wanted to check to see if Keith was really okay with the closeness, with the touching, so when Keith got up to get a drink of water, Lance slid onto the floor, using Kosmo as a pillow. When Keith came back, he slid next to Lance, and they fell asleep like that, on the floor, entangled in each other’s arms.

Lance couldn’t really say their relationship was that different though. They hadn’t been really that physical, not in a way that Lance hadn’t been with his sisters or his friends. But for now, that was okay. 

One night they were on the couch, Lance’s head on Keith’s chest. They were watching a documentary on something or other, but Lance was more interesting in watching Keith’s face. And right now, Keith didn’t seem to be watching the film either. 

Lance poked Keith’s cheek. “What are you thinking about?”

“Allura,” Keith responded automatically. Because that’s what they did. It seemed after hiding so much from each other for so long, they couldn’t stop themselves from being honest with each other. 

“Yeah?” Lance said siting up.

“I’m not happy she’s gone, it fucked me up really good for a really long time, but at the same time I can’t help feeling happy I got you,” Keith sighed. “And didn’t that happen at her expense?”

Lance frowned meeting Keith’s eyes. “I can’t say what would have happened, but we can’t think of the ‘what if’ especially when it’s completely untrue and unhealthy.” Lance gently carded through Keith’s bangs. “You didn’t ‘win’ me because she’s gone.”

“I know,” Keith said.

“I think my path would have always led to you eventually.”

Keith cupped Lance’s chin, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So, stop filling your pretty head with stupid thoughts.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

Lance blushed, “I will smack you.”

“Speaking of which,” Keith said shifting under Lance, “Why aren’t you all flirty with me?”

“What jealous?” Lance said wagging an eyebrow.

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“I thought you didn’t like it.”

“Yeah. Because you weren’t saying it to me.”

“Well I’m mature now I learned that being all flirty like that isn’t the best. Actually, it’s kind of really bad and aggressive.”

“Well yeah, when someone doesn’t want you to flirt, it’s bad. But I want it. It’s a part of you. The goofy, stupid part of you,” Keith said giving Lance a soft look, a look that set shivers up Lance’s spine and a heat through his entire body.

“Okay, note taken. I will now officially woo you with bad pick-up lines and my charming smiles.”

Keith made a face.

“Regretting it now, aren’t you?”

Keith nuzzled into Lance’s neck, “Never.”

***

It was Lance’s turn to make dinner. Ever the multitasker, Lance had been humming a tune and was now dancing as he prepared the food. Lance looked over his shoulder, Keith was sitting at the table watching him.

“You’re staring at my butt.”

“You’re shaking it.” Keith smiled at Lance’s raised brow, “You can’t make me feel embarrassed. We’re almost thirty. I’m not going to feel weird about staring at my boyfriend’s ass.”

Boyfriend. The word put a small smile on Lance’s face. They had been dating two months now. They still were careful in a lot of ways, tiptoeing around things, but the easiness of it all made the word feel right. 

Lance scoffed and turned back to the sink, “You might be almost thirty Mister space whale nomad, but I am nowhere near that abominable age. Look at my skin. People still think I’m twenty-three thank you very much,”

“Always so dramatic,” Keith said rolling his eyes.

Lance brought over the salad and pasta he made, “I am not.”

“You are, and you always will be.”

“And you’ll always be a stupid mullet head.”

“I thought you liked my hair.”

“Where would get a silly idea like that?” Lance said stabbing into his salad.

Keith chuckled, but something crossed his face.

Lance put down his fork, waiting for Keith to speak, because sometimes it took a few minutes.

“When did you know?” Keith asked. “That you had a thing for me?”

That was a change of mood. Lance sat forward to look Keith directly in the eye across from him. “Uh. When you left I guess? I didn’t understand why I liked you so much, and why I wanted to be better than you. But the leaving kind of left a void in me.”

“But you went after Allura.”

“I was confused. I thought I was just mixing up platonic friendship with romantic feelings. And then Lotor came into the group and my jealousy got the better than me. And then you were back, and I was confused all over again.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“I called you grizzled. If anything, you ignored me.”

“Okay. Touché. In my defense there was a lot going on.”

“I’m not holding it against you. But yeah. I was all confused, and then Allura was interested in me. And I thought you weren’t. Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, overcompensating, trying to hide my feelings towards guys, trying to act like this big charmer, lover boy character.”

“But you realized? You liked boys too?”

“Yeah. When we got back to Earth, I realized, hey other guys beside Keith Kogane are cute, and then I knew I was bi, that I liked guys too, and that I definitely had a thing for you. But again, I was in the thick of things with Allura, so it didn’t really matter at that point.”

Lance scratched the back of his neck, “With Allura, I thought my feelings were mature. I thought I was getting everything I wanted. Now I realize I didn’t handle our relationship well at all.”

“You were nineteen,” Keith said reaching out for Lance’s hand, “I wasn’t any better. I was a pinning idiot who couldn’t confess and was angry all the time because of that.”

“True. I guess there’s no reason to feel guilty, it’s all in the past,” Lance said with a shrug. “We got it right now.” 

“Guess we’re still learning,” Keith said.

“I’m going to do right by you Keith.”

“I hope so because I’m never going to let you go,” Keith said looking at Lance with that fierce gaze of his. 

“Romantic sap!” Lance said turning away from Keith to work on his food. “When did my boyfriend get so suave?”

“I thought you liked stuff like that?”

Lance just smiled down at his plate, while Keith laughed at him, “Can’t ever take what you dish out,” he mumbled.

“What about you?” Lance retaliated, “When did you know? That you were gay.”

“Always known.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Lance flicked a grin, “Was that what was going on with you and James? Was he you’re first crush?”

“No. Definitely not. James was a douche bag when we were kids. That was all.”

“I think he had a thing for you.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now.”

“I hope not.” Lance smirked. Lance took a careful bite of food, “But you said you’ve been in other relationships.”

“Nothing special. Nothing long term. Just didn’t work out.”

“Really? I wonder why?” Lance said in a fake innocent voice.

“Because I was a fucking idiot.”

Lance got quiet, “You really shouldn’t have waited around for me. You deserve to be someone’s first choice.”

“I think I would have figured it out and moved on eventually. I was close to that point,” Keith dragged a hand through his hair. “But I’m you’re first choice now and it all worked out, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“You’re right.”

Keith shrugged. “I’m always right.”

Lance scoffed. “No, you aren’t.”

That started a staring contest, which soon turned into a fit of laughter.

***

One lazy weekend Lance and Keith were out in the backyard staring up a blue sky studded with clouds. A crisp, spring breeze warmed their faces. And Keith was holding Lance’s hand, because he was always holding his hand. And Lance was leaning over Keith, a hand in his hair, because his hands was always in his hair.

Lance fingered one of the newly sprouted juniberry flowers and placed it behind Keith’s ear. Keith was smiling up at him, but Lance found himself frowning. 

“What’s wrong.”

“Just thinking.”

“About Allura.”

“Yeah. But not in a bad way. Just missing her. I think she would have liked it here. I think she would have liked to see us happy.”

Keith touched Lance’s jaw. “I think she is here watching.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” 

Lance continued to frown.

Keith sat up, pulling both of Lance’s hands into his. “Do you not like to talk about her? I never know if I should bring it up or not.”

“I mean. I think I can finally say I’ve moved on. I just get sad.”

“We all do. I do.”

Lance looked up under his lashes at Keith face. He made him feel protected, at ease, listened to. He hoped his presence made Keith feel the same way. “But I want to talk about her sometimes. That’s okay right?”

“Of course.”

Lance looked down at their joined hands, “Part of the reason I think Allura and I didn’t work out was because we couldn’t talk about stuff, our insecurities, what we were mad about. Lotor.”

“I think, for us, that’s all better left in the past, not forgotten, but given a little distance,” Keith squeezed his hands, “But if you want to talk about her, we can. I miss her too.”

“I think I would like that. Every now and again.”

Keith touched his forehead to Lance’s, and he smiled, breathing easy.

***

One night Lance was cuddled into Keith’s side. He had just finished grading the midterms and was now trying not to fall asleep. Keith was listening to a podcast or a book or something, and Lance knew from experience that if he fell asleep, Keith would insist on them going to bed, which meant parting ways, and he really just wanted to stay with Keith.

“Stay with me tonight,” He mumbled.

Keith, too concentrated, just nodded. He absentmindedly brushed through Lance’s bangs, and Lance nuzzled into his palm. He still wore those stupid fingerless gloves that Lance had brought back from when the castle was destroyed, and Lance really wanted to take them off, but he was too tired now.

He rested his chin on Keith’s chest, feeling him breathing underneath him, watching his dark, expressive eyes, zone out as he concentrated. Lance continued to focus on Keith but felt his eyes fluttering shut, especially with Keith messaging circles into Lance’s back.

The book must have been funny, because Keith’s smile quirked briefly. Lance loved that smile. How easy it was. How present. Sleepily, Lance edged upward and placed a warm open mouth kiss against Keith’s smile.

Keith froze under Lance, and he wondered if he had overstepped, but he was just too damn tried to care. But then Keith’s mouth opened up to him, and Lance was melting in warmth and perfection.

Lance pulled back and nuzzled into Keith’s neck, hair tickling him. He could feel the vibrations as Keith let out a low laugh. Lance snuggled closer; his eyes closed, and sleep took him.

*

Lance woke up star-fished across his bed, Keith tucked into his side. He looked at the clock. He had about an hour before work, which meant he would have to skip his shower, (which really wasn’t that big a deal, because yes Keith he was a two showers a day type of person, one to wake him up and make him look fresh, one at night to actually clean him. Jeez why was that so hard to understand?)

Lance brushed Keith’s long hair back from his face, the morning light catching on Keith’s lashes. He rolled to get out of bed, but a hand snaked out of the comforter and grabbed the back of Lance’s shirt. 

“Don’t leave. Warm.”

“Got work.”

“Call in sick.”

Lance let out a laugh but ignored Keith to get dressed. Lance shuffled to the bathroom to apply his lotion and brush his hair. He heard the creak of the bed. Groggily, Keith poked his head into the bathroom and watched as Lance got ready.

“Go back to bed,” Lance laughed.

“I will when you leave,” Keith said grabbing at the back of Lance’s undershirt.

“Jeez. If I knew kissing you would make you so attached and clingy, I would have done it a while ago.”

Keith grumbled behind him and set his chin on Lance’s shoulder. “You like it.”

“Ew. Keith. You got morning breath,” Lance said pushing at Keith’s face.

Keith just clung tighter, wrapping his arms around Lance’s chest. “You like it.”

“Fine. Fine,” Lance scoffed. “Now please let me get ready.”

Keith unattached himself, but sat on the toilet, carefully watching Lance as he got ready. Like he was drinking Lance up. Like he couldn’t get enough. It was the same look Lance had always seen on Keith’s face, but now he understood what it meant, admiration, protectiveness, love. 

Keith followed Lance out of the bathroom as Lance got his stuff ready. Keith trailed Lance to the door as he pulled his Garrison jacket on.

“I’ll be back,” he said turning to the door.

“You forgot something.”

Lost in his thoughts, thinking he really had forgotten something, Lance turned back to Keith. 

Keith grabbed on to the lapels of Lance’s jacket, pulling him into a kiss. Heat licked up Lance’s spine, and he was falling again, his legs turning weak. But Keith was pulling away all too quickly. 

“Have a good day at work honey,” Keith said, looking utterly ridiculous with his unkept bedhead, and a little trail of drool on the corner of his mouth and…perfect. 

And Lance’s Keith was Lance’s. Not in a possessive way, but in a way that meant Keith would give everything to Lance, would be there for him, would show his venerable side.

“Were you holding back? All this time?” Lance asked.

“I was being patient,” Keith shrugged, “Waiting till you were ready. Because I would wait forever for you. If that’s what you need.”

“I’m not fragile Keith,” Lance huffed. 

“I know,” then, “I like you a lot.”

Keith was smirking at Lance’s half opened mouth, as Lance finally came back into focus. 

Lance reached out, a hand around Keith’s head, pulling his boyfriend to him. He put a big, sloppy kiss on the side of his head. “Okay. Bye,” Lance said turning as fast as possible. Because he really needed to get out of here, or he really would be skipping class.

***

They were eating dinner after a particularly stressful day. Keith had been trying to fix the fence around the property, and one section that refused to be fixed had been driving him insane. But that wasn’t all. Lance had noticed. Keith was fidgety. He got more impatient. Lance knew why. Keith was the type of person who needed to do things. He couldn’t sit around cooking and tending the farm all day.

“Keith you’re getting restless.”

“No, I’m not,” he said in an ironically tense voice.

“Keith. You need to go back to the blades.”

Keith froze, his brows furrowed. “I’m not leaving you again. I promised that.”

“Jeez. I didn’t mean that so literally,” Lance dragged a thumb over Keith’s knuckles, trying to loosen Keith’s clenched fist. “But, you have to go back to work. You’re bored.”

Keith didn’t try to deny it. “Not bored of you.” 

Lance smiled at that.

“Come with me then.”

“I have work,” Lance said.

“Just for the summer. The semester’s almost over,” It was mid-April. They would be going to the reunion next week, and the Garrison school year ended in late May. “You take the summer off. Hang out with me and the blades. We can take a week off for your birthday and see your family, and we’ll be back for the semester.”

“Then what? I let you get bored the rest of the year? Who even’s running the Blades right now? You can’t just leave them.”

Keith just shooed Lance’s questions off, “We’ll work it out later. I’ll train someone to help head the group when I’m not around. Most blade missions are between two to four weeks. I can take a mission then I can come back for a month. We’ll figure it out as we go.”

“Would it be okay?” Lance asked. “I’m not Galran.”

“I got it in with the leader. I think we could work something out,” Keith winked. “Plus something tells me you are going to look super good in that uniform.”

Lance blushed, trying to ignore the comment, “It actually sounds really nice. Being in space again, making a difference. I think I would like that.”

“Saving the universe suits you I think.” Keith reached for Lance’s hand, “You won’t miss me too much? If I’m gone.”

“I will,” Lance shrugged. “But I think I got it. We’ll figure it out.”

Keith leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.

***  
Before they knew it, it was the reunion. This was going to be their ninth reunion. Lance was turning twenty-eight. Keith would soon be thirty or was it thirty-one? He didn’t know. Space whales were weird. Hunk and Shay were expecting their first kid. Shiro was looking into retirement and adoption. Pidge was creating another robot child. Yeah. They were getting old as hell. 

Lance climbed into Keith’s ship, as Keith strapped in their luggage and got Kosmo settled. 

Lance was waiting in front of the controls, looking out at his farm through the windshield. He had swindled Ryan and Nadia to look after his plants, a little test run to see if they could look after his house for the summer or if he would have to enlist Pidge, but he was still a little nervous.

Keith came up behind Lance and gestured for him to sit down in the pilot seat.

“Me? You want me to fly?”

“I can tell you want to,” Keith grinned.

“But I haven’t flown in years. Aren’t you scared?”

Keith crossed his arms, “With you at the helm? Still terrified,” He chuckled at Lance’s pout, “But I think you got it.”

Lance sat down and took the controls. It really wasn’t that different from the Garrison planes. He taught the flight simulations, so he still knew how everything worked. He hit the gas and Keith grabbed the back of the pilot’s chair. 

Still, running the simulations and actually flying were two different things.

It was a little rocky at first, but once they were airborne, flying towards the scheduled wormhole, Lance had it under control. On the other side of the wormhole, Lance winked at Keith and hit the gas, causing Keith to clutch at him.

The darkness of space encompassed them, stars streaking by. Yeah, Lance had missed this. 

They made it to Altean in one piece. And if Keith went by Lance’s big grin and gleeful whoops, he would say that this flight had been a success.

***  
The reunion dinner was the same as always, if not more boisterous. At one point Keith absentmindedly nudged Lance’s wrist and Lance submitted his hand to his boyfriend, rubbing circles into the back of his knuckles.

As dinner was finishing up, Keith was arguing with Shiro about something silly, a smirk on his face. Lance couldn’t help but just love his boyfriend’s smirk. So, he causally leaned over and kissed the side of his jaw.

The table went silent. 

“Okay. What’s going on,” Pidge said.

“What?” Lance said looping a finger through Keith hair.

Pidge pointed. “That! What is that!”

“I think what Pidge means to ask is why are you two being so touchy feely,” Shiro cut in.

“I mean you have always been attached at the hip,” Hunk said, “But this is a very different thing.” 

“Oh,” Keith said realizing. He looked around perplexed. Lance and Keith had been so touchy these past few months, it was second nature now. But they forgot that they really hadn’t been like this in front of people. “I thought you guys knew.”

“Oh yeah.” Lance said, “I guess we didn’t tell them.”

“Oh yeah? Lance. Oh yeah!” Pidge scoffed.

“Tell us what?” Hunk cut in.

“We’ve all been so busy. I guess we forgot.” Lance said.

“You just forgot!”

“Tell us what?”

“We’re dating,” Keith said with a shrug. Lance strung his arm around Keith’s shoulder as if to confirm it.

“No way,” Hunk said. “Since when?”

“January? I guess? Do we have an official date?” Keith said turning to Lance, who just shrugged.

“Did we tell anybody?” Lance asked. “I thought you told Shiro.”

“I thought you told Shiro.”

“Why would I have told Shiro?”

“You see him more than me?”

“He’s your brother, and you call him more.”

“Well I thought we were keeping it low key,” Keith quibbled back.

“Well yeah, but I didn’t say not to tell anybody. Plus, it’s been like four months babe.”

“They have pet names. I think I’m going to barf.”

“Aw. It’s cute Pidge.”

“Well did we tell anybody?” Lance asked.

“I mean my mom knows I think, which means the blades know. And your whole family knows.”

“I only told my mom though.”

“When we were on the skype call last week and you went to the bathroom, they kept telling me you wanted a beach wedding. So, I think they all know.”

“Well you told Axca. She was teasing me last week.”

“No, she knows because of Veronica.”

“Oh yeah that was me. I guess I did tell a few people.”

“Who else did you tell?”

“James, Ryan and Nadia.”

“Why do they know?” 

“Because I wanted to see how James would react. I was showing you off babe.”

“Considering James is dating Ryan now, I don’t think he cares.”

“Yeah, what do you think Ryan sees in that guy? He’s way too cool for him.”

“Guys?” Shiro’s voice pulled the two out of their conversation. They whipped their heads to where their friends, who were smiling fondly at them. “Congrats. Really.”

“Sorry for not telling you,” Keith said.

“You were figuring it out. It’s okay.”

“I’m just happy you two finally did figure it out,” Pidge mumbled. Then she smirked “I guess I win that bet with Matt.”

“You two are so cute together,” Hunk chimed in.

Lance squeezed Keith’s hand. 

He had forgotten why he had been nervous to share this relationship with people. And if his face looked anything like Keith’s did right now, he didn’t think he had been doing a very good job of hiding how in love he was. 

Lance leaned into Keith, and Keith kissed the top of his head.

Yeah. This was nice.

***

When everyone was asleep and in bed, Lance crept down the hall to sneak into Keith’s bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Lance felt his soul fly out of his skin. He turned to Shiro who was holding a glass of water.

“Oh nothing. Nothing.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “Nothing.”

Lance blushed. “I swear I wasn’t doing anything!”

“Even if you were. You’re an adult.”

“Oh no not the disappointed dad voice. What did I do? We really didn’t mean to keep it a secret. I promise.” Lance squeaked.

Shiro sighed. “I’m not mad Lance. I’m really happy for you two. Really happy. We’ve all been kind of waiting for this to happen for a while.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Shiro gave Lance a playful smile, “So don’t break my baby brother’s heart.”

The door creaked open, “Lance is that you? Are you coming to bed…” He trailed off noticing Shiro.

“I got caught,” Lance said.

Keith blushed and went to pull the door shut quickly.

“Keith! Honey! Baby! Please open up. I can’t sleep by myself.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” He said with a wink.

“Like I said. There is no ‘it’! Right now. Yet…” And then quietly, “And if anybody is going to break hearts, it’s Keith.”

Shiro smiled, “He won’t though.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Shiro left Lance knocking at the door, which tentatively opened, letting Lance inside.

***  
The semester ended peacefully, and Keith and Lance left for the blades. The first few weeks were spent with Lance fretting that Krolia hated him, but eventually Lance fit into Keith’s found family. Because how could Lance not? If anybody could hit it off with the strange, less than chatty group of Galran, it was Lance. 

And Lance did fit in. He was happy. He was in space, doing something he loved, with his favorite person right by his side. After one mission when Keith was looking particularly fed up and haggard, Lance just laughed and smiled, kissing the side of his dirty cheek, because he liked this Keith too. And Krolia just gave him a single nod, and he knew he was in.

And when they went to Cuba for Lance’s birthday, Keith fit in too. Like he was always supposed to be a part of his family. He was just as nervous as Lance had been, perhaps even more so, even though he had already spent more than two months with them years ago. But Keith was worried they would hold that fight against him. 

But they didn’t. Maybe it was because he would quietly listen to the family drama, or because he always helped with the dishes, or because he would play with Nadia and Sylvio, or because of the way he looked at Lance, but Lance’s family was ready to adopt Keith on the spot.

***  
They were sitting out on the beach, enjoying the sunset, leaning into each other, Lance in the crook of Keith’s neck, Keith’s head resting on top, an arm snaked around to rub circles in Lance’s back.

“Lance?” 

“Hmmm?”

“I love you.”

“Oh.” Lance trailed off, he sat up, not pulling out of Keith’s arms, but he stiffened, leaned away.

“Lance?” 

The careful hands gripped harder. But he couldn’t look. Wouldn’t see the disappointment. But why couldn’t he say anything? He knew how he felt about Keith.

Then he heard Keith’s panic, “You don’t have to say it. But you’re making me nervous here. Say something please.”

Lance turned, finally meeting those familiar eyes. Eyes he loved. A person he…

“I like you Keith. I think I already…yeah.” He tugged at Keith’s sleeves, holding on, steadying himself. 

Keith nodded, and Lance could see, Keith knew how he felt. Knew what he was trying to say. But would wait for Lance to say it.

Lance tried again, “But I don’t think I really meant it the first time. When I said it to someone. I really want to mean it when I say it to you.”

No disappointment. Only kindness. Lance let out a sigh. 

“You don’t have to say it,” A quick smile, “I know.”

Lance smirked, “Oh. You know?”

“You don’t do things by halves Lance. Say it when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

And then Lance was leaning forward, because at least right now he could show Keith how he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I’ve kind of left hints that Lance is still a virgin, because I think we all know Allura and him didn’t get anywhere close to fucking. And yeah, Lance hasn’t dated anyone really until Keith, so it takes a lot of time for them to test those waters. I’m not writing the sexy stuff here, because I don’t feel like it really fits this fic. Maybe (and that’s a big maybe) I could be convinced to write it in a separate chapter. But anyway, just for reference, I feel like their first time was after Lance snuck into Keith’s room on the night of the reunion. 
> 
> So I really have always sucked with titles and while the “you’re my future” line is like really important to me, the kind of theme I started going for was walking, steps, and pathways so I feel like I should rename the fic maybe “The Road We Walk Together” or “Where Our Paths Cross” or something along those lines but like idk… seems like too much work and that it would confuse people.
> 
> Also. Why is Keith so hard to write in character?????


	8. Towards the Future: The Path We Walk Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of "You're My Future." 
> 
> Lance doesn't have to say I love you to say "I love you." But will Keith finally hear these words out loud?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for this! But here it is. The conclusion of my fic! It’s been a great journey with you guys, so thanks for all the love and for just reading the darn thing :)

Of course, the last blade mission of the summer was going to be the dangerous one. Of course a quiet mission bringing aid to a planet devastated by internal power struggles and over-population would turn into the blades trying to negotiate peace and between a planet and their colonized moon, which of course would turn into a full-blown civil war. 

And of course, this, this moment, when Lance and Keith are at a dead end a small band of rebels blasting at them, this, THIS is the moment that Lance and Keith decide to have a fight.

“You want a farm Lance. I know you want to have animals.”

“Keith. We talked about this,” Lance said taking a shot and hitting his target, “We can’t do that right now. We can’t take care of animals. Not when we both leave the house so much. And I can’t do it alone.”

“Then I’ll quite the blades,” Keith said firing his own blaster. In his other hand he brandishes his knife at Lance. “You deserve to have everything you want.”

“And you don’t?” Lance yelled, looking at his boyfriend for a split moment before more blasts come at them a little too close to comfort. They sprint backwards, hopefully in the direction of their abandoned cruiser.

“I just want you to be happy!” Keith growled.

“And I want you to be happy!”

“Seeing you happy is what makes me happy,” Keith yelled. 

“Keith. You love your work.”

“Not at the moment,” Keith grunted.

“Fine. Not at the moment. But you aren’t retiring. You deserve to have what you want too.”

They’re running again. Lance can see the cruiser in the distance. He thanks the stares but sends another glare at Keith. They had been having this fight for a month now. With the school semester looming in the distance, Keith and Lance anxiety at being separated grew too. 

Just like Lance said it would. 

They said they would ‘figure it out’ later, and now it was later, and it was not ‘figured out.’ And Lance couldn’t get it through Keith’s skull that he needed to have a life too. That he deserved to be a leader. That settling down came later when they were all old and wrinkly. That their quite time could be found in small moments. That moments apart only meant more fondness when they were together. 

“Lance—”

“Keith. It’s fine. One day we’ll get the animals. One day we’ll settle down. But not right now. We’re in the prime of our lives. We have work, to do and you love it.”

“Lance!” And Lance is being pushed, Keith’s full weight hitting him. He’s on the ground, Keith standing in front of him clutching his side.

Lance’s whole-body trembles. Blood. There was blood. And pain in Keith’s eyes. He got up and he pulled an arm around Keith’s shoulder. “Come on. We’re almost there.”

They began to hobble towards the ship. Keith looks over his shoulder “We—”

“Not another word,” Lance hissed. “Not another quiznacking word. I’m not leaving you.”

They gave each other hard looks. Lance grabbed the blade in Keith’s hand, he now has his own Malmoran sword, and dragged the now empty hand around his own waist.

They were almost there. 

But Lance could hear the gun shots in the distance growing closer. He could hear footsteps now. A gun shot rang past their heads. Still too close.

“I have you know Galra scum,” Someone called. 

Lance swung around aiming the blade at the rebel. Lance didn’t feel right killing him, he didn’t know what side was right, if there was a right side, they were just caught in a war. But at this moment this stranger was threatening Keith, and he had to stop him. 

Keith unwound his arm from Lance, and Lance sidestepped away closer to the alien. 

The alien saw this, calculated this move and aimed the gun over Lance’s head at Keith.

Lance’s eyes widened. Keith had no defense. No way to protect himself. Probably too dizzy from his wound to really move. 

In one swift movement, Lance sprung back at Keith. He heard the sound of a gun being fired; he swung Keith and himself out of the way and threw the blade.

Lance and Keith landed in the dirt. The blade landed in the alien’s chest. 

And Lance was on his feet, grabbing Keith’s blade then hauling Keith up, and dashing towards their cruiser. 

Once inside he propped Keith up and got the plane moving. The galran base was a few planets away and would have the medical attention they needed. Once out of orbit, Lance switched on the auto-pilot, jumped out of the chair, and leaned over Keith who was still clutching his side.

Lance gently pulled away Keith’s hand. There was blood, but the cut wasn’t deep. Wasn’t fatal.

Lance could breathe again.

“Are you hurt?” Keith said looking up at him with worried eyes. 

“You—You want to know if I’m hurt? You moron.”

“You were trying to sacrifice yourself for me.”

“No. That was you. I got us out of there. I saved your ass and mine, without risking myself in the process.”

A shaky hand reached up to Lance’s face, and Lance grasped it between both of his. “No more sacrifices.”

“I’ll say.”

“And no more arguing during space battles.”

“Well I don’t know about that,” Lance said with a smirk.

Keith glared at him. His hair had gotten loose in the battle. Lance dragged a hand through it, trying to comb it off Keith’s face. 

Keith faces softened, “You were kind of amazing out there. I forgot how good at this you are.”

Lance smiled at the praise, but looks at Keith hard, thinking about the fight. “You said to me that I deserved more.” Lance said. He could feel the tears in his eyes, but he wouldn’t let them out. He refused to cry right now. He set his face as stern as he could.

Keith let out a breath, “I remember.”

Lance thumbed Keith’s cheek, “Then you should know that you deserve the world too.”

“Lance,” Keith said softly, “You’re my world. I don’t need anything else.”

Lance sucked in a breath. His heart fluttering like he was a young boy again talking to his first crush, “Don’t—Don’t think I’ll be persuaded by your words or your face or. This isn’t over. You’re not leaving the blades.”

 

***

And before they know it, summer is over, and Lance is back at school and a disgruntle Keith is leaving for a blade mission. But soon after Keith’s calling him out of breath telling him about how amazing his mission is going and about how cute Kosmo is. And Lance is telling Keith about the great set of kids he has and how he finally got Iverson to calm down on ranking students and dividing them into different flight classes from the get go (it’s really not good for their self confidence). 

They’re busy and they’re happy.

But they miss each other, because of course they do. But Keith’s only gone for a few weeks at a time, with at least two week breaks in between. And every moment they do have together is bliss. Sometimes it’s loud, arguative, and competitive, sometimes soft and quiet (and yes sometimes a little more heated) but it’s bliss.

It’s the beginning of December and Keith has taken on a long mission so that he can have a month off for the holidays. Not only are Lance and Keith spending the holidays in Cuba, but the whole paladin gang, Curtis, Krolia, and the Holts would be tagging along too. It was going to be a very crowded but happy holiday.

But right now, every moment not spent on school or friends feels almost like lonely agony to Lance as he impatiently waits for his boyfriend to just come home.

To keep himself distracted, Lance is currently with Pidge and Hunk in Pidge’s lab. Hunk is helping Pidge tinker with something Lance doesn’t care to understand, because really, he’s just happy to sit and watch his friends.

The Garrison trio back together. They’re together a lot more now. All the paladins are. They find a way to slot each other in. Because they’re a family.

Lance feels his phone buzz. It’s Keith. “Hey babe, what’s up?”

“Just checking in,” Keith’s rough voice says over the phone. “What are you up to?”

“Hanging with Pidge and Hunk.”

“Tell them I said hi.”

“Keith says hi.”

Pidge grunts. Hunk lights up, “Tell him I say hi!”

“They say hi back. So, what’s up?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to hear your voice.”

Lance smiles like a sap, because come on, his boyfriend is sweet. 

His boyfriend. His boyfriend. His BOYFRIEND.

Pidge makes a gagging noise. “Stop taking all gooey in my lab. I swear it interferes with technology somehow.” Lance makes a face at her.

“Still coming home in two weeks?”

Keith sighs at that. “Unfortunately. I won’t be back until around the twelfth.”

Lance and Keith chat for a few more minutes. 

Lance shuts off the phone and looks at his friends. Pidge and Hunk are smiling at him. 

“What?” Lance asks.

“You’re just really happy,” Hunks says.

Lance throws his arms dramatically in the air, “Since when I’m not happy. I’m a happy guy!”

Hunk looks at the ground, “Well for a while there…”

Pidge butts in, “We’re just glad you’re yourself again.”

Lance drops his smile, “I’m not the same.” 

He sees their concerned expressions. He lightens his voice, because he really doesn’t mean this to be a serious conversation. But he can’t help his honestly, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I don’t think any of us are the same after what happened. But you’re right. I feel better. I feel more like myself than I ever have.”

Hunk nods, “I know what you mean.” 

Pidge nods too. They all smile at each other. Because somehow, through it all, their lives had turned out pretty good especially because they got to spend that life together.

 

***  
A week later, Lance knocks on Shiro’s office. Over the past year he had finally stepped down from the Atlas, Curtis and him finally getting ready to start a family; they were going to be adopting twins. Still, Shiro couldn’t step down entirely from work, and thus he was here, helping lead the Garrison into the future. 

“Hey Lance. What’s up?”

Lance comes in sheepishly. He’s Shiro’s friend, he sees him all the time at work and for fun, but he’s still nervous having wanted to say this for a while “I just wanted to thank you.” He scratches the back of his neck.

Shiro smiles, “For what?”

“I don’t know. Nothing? Everything. You helped me after…well everything. But I always looked up to you.”

“You have always been there for everyone else Lance. I wasn’t about to leave you be.”

“Well thanks.” Lance steps closer to Shiro and shakes his hand. On his desk he can see pictures of a young Shiro and Keith. Pictures of the team. A picture of Shiro and Curtis. And there nestled in with the rest is a picture of Adam. Lance thinks of his own display of pictures. To a girl he once loved. To a friend he had lost.

“Lance?”

Lance looks up to meet his hero’s eyes.

“You’re making Keith really happy. I worried about him for a while there…but you make him happy, and I know I’m leaving him in good hands.”

Lance chuckled, “I think he’s taking care of me.”

“You take good care of each other. That’s how you know you found the one.”

The one.

“Yeah, it’s always been Keith, hasn’t it?”

And now it’s Shiro’s turn to let out a laugh.

***

Lance wakes up to the sound of a ship skidding across gravel. He bolts up. Blue, unnatural light filters through the cracks in his blinds. As Lance makes his way to the front door, he subconsciously grabs the rifle that he keeps under his bed—Keith still keeps a knife under his pillow, a habit neither one of them seem to be able to break.

Lance opens the door and is blinded for a brief moment. A familiar silhouette stands frozen by the ship that’s parked in Lance’s front yard. It’s lucky the don’t have any close neighbors; it’s lucky Lance has a big yard, Keith hadn’t had good landing. The first sign something was wrong.

Lance sprints towards Keith, the rifle abandoned on the porch, “Keith! You’re back early!” 

The lights of the ship turn off, casting Keith in shadows. But as Lance approaches, he can make out the broken, vacant look on Keith’s face, eyes glassy instead of intense and bright.

Lance takes a few steps, more hesitant, as he enters Keith’s space. Lance waits for Keith to make the first move. 

Maybe it was the weeks away, but Lance notices then, there’s more than just dark circles and broken looks, and tired features. Keith looks older, sharper, but there’s laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. Lance supposes he looks older too. They’re the same height again, they had been for the past few years, as if Lance’s body understood Lance’s need to always catch up to Keith. They had filled out from their boyish frames: Lance was strong legs and broad shoulders, Keith had a solid chest and toned arms. 

Lance wanted to reach out to Keith. His Keith. But he waited, tense on the balls of his feet.

Finally, those eyes, the eyes that had always sent Lance over the edge, snapped up. They latched onto Lance like someone clutching at a buoy in a stormy sea. Hands tug Lance forward, clutching at his shirt.

“Keith, honey? What’s the matter?”

Keith shakes his head pulling Lance closer, his eyes never leaving Lance’s face. Keith’s hands travel up Lance’s chest, settling on the sides of Lance’s face, thumbs rubbing Lance’s high cheek bones, where his marks used to be. Keith always did this, it seemed to calm him, ground him. Lance didn’t know why Keith did it, but he leaned into the touch.

Keith breathed out. And Lance didn’t hesitate. He wrapped an arm around Keith’s back, rubbing firm circles on his shoulder blades, his other hand rubbing at Keith’s scar. 

“Something happened?”

Keith nods.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Keith shakes his head, “Not yet,” he croaks. 

Lance nods back. “Where’s Kosmo?”

“With my mom. I have to go back in a few days for…I just needed to see you.”

Lance nods again. 

After another moment of steady gazes and careful touches, and Keith’s eyes slowly focus, become more normal. “I’m sorry,” He looks down at Lance’s bare feet, tugs at the end of Lance’s pajama shorts, “I woke you up. I didn’t even think about the time—”

“Keith. Honey. You don’t have to apologize. You can always come home.”

“Home?” Keith echoes.

“Home,” Lance says.

A wisp of a smile lights Keith’s face, and Lance smiles back.

Lance turns around and crouches.

“What are you doing?” Keith laughs. It’s hollow sounding, but it’s there. Letting Lance know that he’s helping, that he can make Keith happy again, no matter what happens. 

“Get on. I’ll carry you.”

Keith laughs again.

Lance gives Keith a stern look over his shoulder, “I would love to sweep you off your feet, but I’m old.”

Keith scoffs. “You could never carry me. You have noodle arms.”

“I worked on a farm for years. I could so carry you,” Lance says indigently.

Keith just stands and stares down at Lance.

“Look Keith. I’m trying to be romantic. Just let me take care of you okay?”

Lance turns back and wiggles his fingers, waiting for Keith. He feels the warm press of Keith’s chest to his back, arms interlock around his neck. He locks his arms around Keith’s thighs. With the strength of his legs, Lance presses up off the ground and carries Keith into their house.

Lance brings Keith into the master bathroom and sits him on the rim of the tub. He thanks the stars that he demanded a large built in bathtub when went house hunting. He leans over and turns on the water testing the heat as it fills the tub.

“Are you joining me?” Keith asks.

“Mmmm, no,” Lance replies casually. Because as much as Lance would love to be intimate with Keith, having not seen him for weeks, this isn’t the right moment. Because no matter what Keith says he wants, he just needs to relax and let go right now. Lance had had to teach himself what healthy coping was, and now he can guide Keith through whatever he was going through. Lance is touched that Keith wants him there in this moment. That he comes to Lance first.

“But I’ll wash your hair,” he adds.

“Always on about my hair,” Keith remarks.

“You need to take care of it.”

“Un huh.”

Lance crosses the room and grabs a few of his bath products. He pours bubble bath into the water, creating a white foam. It’s not the usual fruity scents that Lance goes for, but rather a light vanilla with a gentle spicy scent. 

Lance tugs at Keith’s shirt, prompting Keith to take his clothes off. “I’m getting you a drink. What do you want? Water? I think we have apple juice.”

Keith strips off his shirt slowly, “Uh, brandy, rum, scotch, whatever we got.”

“You got it,” Lance winks before making his way to the kitchen. When he comes back, Keith is sitting in the tub, almost like he’s unsure what to do.

“All we have is a bottle of nunvil that Coran gave to me a few years back.”

“That’ll work,” Keith says. 

Lance hands him a half-filled glass. Keith takes a swig and makes a face. He shoots the rest of it back and hands the glass back to Lance.

“You good now?”

“Yeah,” Keith says.

Lance sits at end of the tub, plunging his legs into the warm suds. He gently guides Keith’s shoulders back, a leg on each side of him, his head between his legs. “Close your eyes,” Lance says. Keith doesn’t hesitate to lean back into Lance’s touch. Lance rubs Keith’s back and shoulders, trying to sooth out the knots, hands gliding over old, familiar scars.

They sit like this for a while.

“He was on my team. And I let him…it’s my fault.” Keith shudders out in a breath.

“What happened?”

“We were on a dangerous mission. A new recruit…we lost him.”

“Did I know him?”

“No. He was training under my mom. He’s only been in the blade for maybe six months. His name was Thaxsus. I hadn’t even really talked to him. But it’s my fault. I was in charge, and he…”

“I think if I called Krolia she would say it wasn’t your fault.”

“But he was my responsibility Lance.”

“You can’t hold that weight all by yourself. Yes, you’re the leader, but things happen.”

Keith sighs, shoulders sagging. “I know. Kolivan was there. He debriefed me after. Said there wasn’t anything I could do. But still,” Keith let out a shudder, “It’s so hard to lose people.

Lance continued to rub up and down Keith’s spine. “I know. I know.” He rested his forehead on the top of Keith’s head. Keith leaned back into him. 

“Why is it so hard?”

“It just is. But it will be okay. I’m here,” Lance says. He looks down at Keith.

He almost gasps. 

Since they got together, Keith has shown him his vulnerability. Soft looks. Scared looks, almost at the point of a breakdown. But there, on Keith’s cheeks, are tears. A vulnerability Lance knows Keith has never shown anyone.

Lance reaches forward and brushes them away. Keith lets him and then settles back against the tub letting Lance rub his shoulders and chest. Lance gives Keith privacy, looking away, waiting for Keith’s hitched breath to calm, he’s there, but not intruding. 

Keith reaches back and pats Lance’s hand. “Thank you.”

“I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

“Thank you,” Keith says again, this time slightly awkward, because despite it all, he’s still Keith and doesn’t always know what to say or how to say it. But that doesn’t matter, and Keith knows it doesn’t, because Lance understands him. They understand each other in their bones, maybe deeper. 

“I gotta wash your hair before the water gets cold,” Lance says.

“I’m in your hands then,” Keith says closing his eyes. 

Lance holds Keith neck and gently guides the back of his head into the water, then he guides him forward, in front of him so that he can massage shampoo into his hair. Keith leans into this touch. Lance grabs the extendable shower head and leans Keith’s head back again to wash out the soap, careful of his eyes. Then with his fingers, he combs in conditioner. 

When Keith’s ready, Lance drains the tub and pulls Keith into his fluffiest towel, the towel he normally never let’s Keith touch. He hands him a set of his own pajamas, because they’re soft and comfy.

“Can I dry your hair?”

Keith nods and Lance sits him in front of the mirror at his little vanity stool. Once his hair is dried, he loosely braids it. 

Lance is about to make a comment on how Keith’s hair is just way too long now, but Keith speaks first. He turns to Lance “C’mere.”

Lance leans down confused. Keith loops an arm around his neck and kisses him lightly. “Thank you darlin’.”

Lance leans in again to kiss the side of Keith’s mouth, “Just taking care of you. Nothing you wouldn’t do for me.”

Keith hums in his throat, and after another kiss Lance leads them back to bed. Lance strokes through his bangs, waiting until Keith falls asleep against his chest. 

***  
Like Lance promised, the holidays was crazy. Not only was the house crammed with the entire McClain household, but with all the Paladin’s and their families, there was barely room to breathe, every room, couch, air-mattress, every available space, taken up by someone. 

Hunk, Pidge, Veronica, Axca, Lance and Keith were actually set up on cots and air mattress in the old barn, Shiro and Curtis in the barn’s loft. Luckily it was warm in Cuba. 

But Lance likes the excitement, the fanfare. The familiar spices and smells of the holidays. Everyone important around him. 

One afternoon, Lance and Keith wander onto the beach to get away, to have their quiet moment. They sit and watch the sunset, leaning into each other, their hands are linked.  
Lance lets out a laugh.

“Are you laughing at me McClain?” Keith asks, a smirk on his face that quickly turns soft.

“Kind of. Just thinking. It took us so long to get here.”

“Sometimes I didn’t think it would happen.”

Lance snuggled into Keith’s chest, Keith’s hair just brushing his cheek as he leans over Lance. “I’ve been chasing after you for a long time. You were always my future Keith.”

Keith chuckles into Lance’s hair, “Sappy fool.”

“Yes, but I’m your sappy fool.”

Lance sits up and turns to Keith. Wind gently ruffles his hair, his eyes seeming to reflect the stars as they wink into the darkening sky. No matter how long or how often Lance looks at Keith, he can’t help the little thrill in his chest.

“Keith.” Keith’s gaze meets him, and Lance takes both of his hands. “Keith. I love you.”

Keith mouth opens, his eyes wide, not necessarily in shock at the words, but surprised. He leans into Lance, “Marry me.” 

Lance’s mouth opens and closes. “Keith Kogane!”

Keith freezes. Going stiff. 

Lance leans forward, head on his shoulder his other hand a fist beating at Keith’s chest. “Damn you. I wanted to propose. I had a plan and everything. You just couldn’t wait to sneak up on me like that couldn’t you?”

Keith frelaxes again. Lance pulls back, hands on Keith’s shoulders. “You didn’t even plan that did you! You couldn’t just wait a few more hours until a nice, very intricately planned proposal happened?”

Keith’s smiles. He pokes Lance’s pouting cheek, “That’s a yes right?”

Lance groans. “God I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. You love me darlin’.”

“Here,” Lance chucks a little velvet box at Keith. 

Keith ignores the box, for now, and makes Lance meet his gaze, staring until the blue eyes soften and sparkle.

Lance let’s Keith gaze persuade him. Because really, he’s getting what he wants. What he needs. He leans in, a breath away from Keith. He doesn’t have to wait long until lips meet his. It’s familiar, and common enough, but somehow the kiss sends hot and cold chills up and down Lance’s spine. 

He knows he’s fallen but that Keith’s right there with him. 

***

A week after the new year, back at the Garrison, Keith wakes up to the sound of shuffling.

“Lance, darling. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. Nothing,” Lance says. But he frantic, pawing through draws stuffing things into a small duffle bag. 

Keith gets up and wraps his arms around his fiancée. “Lance.”

Lance sets down his bag and rubs his face. “Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.

Keith waits for more.

“I’m just going on a trip.”

“I see that,” Keith presses a gentle kiss to Lance’s neck.

“I need to see Allura. I need to tell her.” Lance twists in Keith’s arms so they’re facing each other. And Keith looks into his eyes, no anger, all understanding under the sleepy gaze.

And because Keith understands, he doesn’t ask Lance if he really needs to go or if Lance can wait till morning. He just whispers “okay” on Lance’s temple. “Can I come, or do you want to be alone?”

Lance puts his hands around Keith’s neck, weaving his fingers into Keith’s hair. “Would you come? Can you?”

And then Keith’s shoving his own stuff into Lance’s bag and they’re waking up Kosmo and climbing into their ship. Lance pilots while Keith calls a blade buddy to open up a wormhole. 

It’s still night in Altea. Everyone asleep, no fanfare at two former Paladins standing in the main square.

Lance is at Allura’s feet quietly talking. Keith’s a few feet back hands in his pockets, giving Lance his space, speaking to Allura in his own way. Thanking her.

He can’t hear Lance and he doesn’t need to. It’s their moment.

“Allura?” Lance says. “I know I say this every time I’m here. But thank you for being my friend. For giving me a chance. For everything.” He turns slightly. He can see Keith behind him out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve got some exciting news.” Lance smiles. “I’m going to marry Keith. He said yes. Or I guess I did. I’m just so happy. I can’t believe it.”

He looks up at her beautiful kind face. “Thank you so much. I wish you were here. So much. We miss you. But I know wherever you are, you’re still with us protecting us. Thank you.”

After a few more quiet words Lance turns. And Keith walks up to him and they link hands. The sun is just rising, lighting up the sky. The last of the stars twinkle out in the morning light, Lance swears he can see a nebula shaped like a young woman, a blue and red star imbedded in the sky next to her.

Lance squeezes Keith’s hand and Keith squeezes back. They walk back to their ship.

***  
A Few Years Later

“Good morning cadets,” Lance says. It’s the first day of class again; he can see the nervous looks. He feels a little thrill of nervousness in his stomach, but he knows he has this down. “My name is Commander Kogane-McClain. And I’ll be teaching your flight simulation course.”

Lance looks down at the ring on his finger fondly. He loves saying that. Kogane-McClain. It sounds good.

He smiles down at his students. The same inspired, awe-filled looks greet him. He knows it won’t last. That they’ll soon be making fun of his dad jokes, looking up to him, but also comfortable with him, goofing off with him. And Lance will help them hopefully get on track to become the space cadets they wanted to be.

He watches a hand pop up, “Is it true you were a part of Voltron?”

“Yep! I piloted the blue then the red lion.” Lance can’t help but add a playful smirk.

He hears a knock at his door. He looks over to see Keith in the small window of his classroom, pointing at the sack lunch in his hand with an annoyed look. 

Lance smiles, “One second guys.”

Lance opens the door. He can feel his students trying to look around at him, trying to get a look at who’s there. Lance takes the lunch and gives Keith a quick peck on the cheek, his grimace turning soft. Keith rolls his eyes and tells him to get back to class.

Lance turns back to his students, more awe in their eyes. The room practically erupts.

“Is that Keith Kogane? Former black paladin?”

“Is it true you’re an honorary member of the Blade of Malmora?”

“Are we going to meet him?”

“Are you two really married.”

Lance settles his class down and assures them that Keith will visit them as a guest lecturer and answer all their questions.

***  
Lance and Keith’s life is quiet and simple in many ways. They find their little adventures when they can, in each other, in their work. They tackle marriage. They eventually settle down: Keith taking more time away from the blades, to set up a base on Earth, and to start a family. 

They tackle life together, as a team. 

Because even if they tried, their paths would eventually cross again, their futures tangled together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this whole thing! I think I succeeded in putting my whole heart into this, despite the fact that I sometimes run purely on spite. I’m not really opposed to extending this and maybe doing small little one-shots in a separate work. But this was really all I planned and all I really wanted to do. (But I might edit this cuz I know there are typos) Please come chat with me here or on Tumblr! 
> 
> I’m taking a little break for a while (or at least I say so). I still have lots of fic ideas, but like, I need to do grad school lol. And I gotta write stories for grad school, so this sometimes takes time out of that, which, like, in the long run, probably isn’t a good idea. 
> 
> I would like to write a real fix-it-fic at some point, but that’s going to take a LOT of work. My head swims at just the thought (I would have to write real plot and like action scenes ugh). But anyway, the next big fic idea I have is a childhood friends, to strangers to lovers modern HS AU. If anybody’s ever read/watched Ao Haru Ride, it’s loosely inspired by that. Keith and Lance have been friends for their whole lives, having lived next door, but in middle school Keith leaves because his dad is passing away. Meanwhile Lance’s family has their own hardships, Lance’s aunt and uncle passing away in a devastating car accident, leaving their two children, Allura and Adam. This means the McClain household is even more chaotic with an abundance of teenage angst. Three years later, someone is finally moving in next door, but does Lance maybe recognize this edgy, bad boy stranger? I still have a lot of tinkering to do on what I want to do with this idea, but that’s the loose idea. Let me know what you think. It probably won’t happen for a while though.


End file.
